I'm sick of not working and having to fucking finagle money out of my mother every week.
Sick of bone splinters in my gums.
Sick of mom's house. It fucking STINKS every time I come over and it's always fucking filthy as fuck.
Sick of always feeling like I need to be somewhere else. And wasted.
Sick of having to pick and choose where the fuck I want to go/what I want to do every night because someone might say something derogatory about my lack of teeth.
SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANYWHERE TO GO WITH MY BOYFRIEND. WE CAN'T EVEN GET A MOMENT ALONE OR HAVE SEX ANYMORE.
Sick of not being able to eat whatever I want.
SICK OF GAINING SO MUCH WEIGHT BECAUSE OF ALL THE ENSURE I HAVE TO DRINK!!! I've gone up a whole fucking pant size in just under three weeks!
SICK AND TIRED OF MY GAS TANK ALWAYS BEING ON EMPTY!
I knew all this was coming. I understand that everything's gonna be 100x better after I get my teeth, but this whole transition period is fucking killing me! I can't just hide for two months. I CAN'T. I NEED to socialize or I feel like I might literally go insane. But this is made way fucking harder since my tax return isn't coming for another month and some of my friends/boyfriend have INCREDIBLY judgmental and closed-minded friends. And that's not something I'm 'just paranoid' about. One of Terry's friends is super nice to my face and then turns around and asks Terry what the fuck he's doing with me because of how my 'teeth' used to look. Why Terry shares this shit with me, I have no idea. I guess it's best that he's honest. And at least he defends me. But in my experience, people don't understand what the hell a degenerative disease is. They all chalk it up to me 'being a crackhead'. I'm NOT a crackhead! I've never touched the shit in my life! This is NOT MY FAULT!!!
I don't want to be here. This house fucking reeks of garbage. But it's too late for me to go 'home' to my Gramma's because the second I walk onto her porch, the dogs will go ballistic and wake Grampa up. AND! I got a nice surprise when I walked in the house just now. Fucking (mom's) Terry is passed out drunk on my couch. I have to fucking go to sleep in my brother's room now.
Come April when I've got my teeth and everything's all good, I'm fucking out of here and I'm taking Terry with me. I don't care if I have to become a fucking stripper in Lake City. I'm DONE.
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