Someone just fucking kill me.

I can't fucking do this.

If I'm at work and preoccupied, I'm basically fine. The second I get off work I keep having to stop myself from driving into town to the apartment. Or off a cliff. I get home and go into my room and cry like someone just fucking died. When I see you, I just want to kiss you and hug you and tell you I love you, but I CAN'T. My hair-pulling has accelerated at an alarming rate. About 60% of the time, I just want to fucking die.

I cannot do this. I just want to make my brain STOP. I need cruise control for my head. I need more booze. I need to black this all out. I just don't know how the fuck to deal with it.

I hate everyone who is happy with someone right now. And even more than that, I hate everyone who has worse problems than we ever could have conceived and manages to stick together, because they LOVE EACH OTHER. Why not us? Why do we keep having to fucking fail? WHY DO I ALWAYS FUCKING FAIL?

WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME YOU NEEDED TIME TO YOURSELF? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET THIS SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL LIKE THIS?! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS GIVE UP?!?!

I'm going to sleep. I can't fucking take my brain anymore.