HOLY SHITFUCK, BALLS!

Crazy motherfucking past week. Gather ’round, childrens.

Wednesday: Random-ass rapid HIV test with Mike after work. WE’RE HIV NEGATIVE, MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Went to Phinickey’s with Chelsey to celebrate. Went back to Mike’s, went to sleep.

Thursday: Day off. Woke up around 8-ish, went back to get tested for STDs. HEH. Results are still pending, but I’m not worried about it. Then Mike’s car broke down at 7-Eleven on Colby and Pacific. Had some guy try to jump the battery. Didn’t work. Called mom, she showed up and took Mike to Interstate Battery to have them test the battery. It was fine. So we concluded that his alarm system is just in a constant state of eff and goes haywire and thinks it’s being stolen at random. Which is lame. Anyway. So we got Toshi’s and had a picnic in mom’s car. Terry showed up after a while. Heh. Waited with them until Mike’s step-dad showed up with his tow truck and towed the car back to Silvana. Took his Gramma’s truck to Capitol Hill, went to Urban Outfitters, Castle, American Apparel and then ended up at this leather daddy bar where I was THE ONLY female in the entire place. It was awesome. Had the most potent AMF ever created. Got a call from his friend Melissa, stopped by Dick’s real quick-like, met up with her at her bar in south Everett, then went to this totally awesome dive with her in Lynnwood called One Eyed Jack’s. We got. Fucking. Annihilated. I believe I had a jager bomb, a beer and two lemon drops. WASTED. But I never got sick! After last call Mike found a ’dead hooker bracelet’ on the ground by some bushes he was peeing on. HEH. It’s glorious and turquoise. Went to Denny’s and met some badass people and ended up sitting and talking with them for the rest of our meals. Passed out drunk on the drive back to Mike’s.

Friday: Day off. Went to work to pick up my paycheck. Mike has the glory of direct deposit *shakes fist* Bought some clothes, cashed my check, picked up Pepper from work, drove to Bellevue for the first time EVER. I’ve been there before, but I’d never driven 405 ever. So that was exciting. Went to Bellevue Square, bought some Daredevils from the real Guess, bought some Lip Venom and some sort of anti-frizz product from Sephora, bought Doom a little plush Hello Kitty with a panda hood from the Sanrio store. Fucking. Adorable. Had some trouble getting back on 405, took 520 back to Seattle (which was horrifying for some reason), stopped at Dick’s to meet up with Kiera and Mike’s friend Nate. The plan was to go to some rave or some shit, but I was pretty uncomfortable with the idea so we ended up at the Noc Noc. Changed clothes in my car on the side of 2nd Ave. HEH. But Neurotica was amazing and I’m officially in love with the red-headed emcee. I didn’t catch her name. Even Mike said he’d go straight for her. And I think it was only 25% drunkeness. Which really says a lot about her hotness. Heh. After the dancers were all done for the night Mike started going crazy on the dance floor, did one of his infamous power-slides and ripped one of his favorite pairs of jeans from the crotch all the way down the leg. He then grabbed the jeans he bought from work earlier and proceded to change into them. On the sidewalk. On 2nd Ave. It was nuts. I was fucking wasted and two AMFs in, so Mike drove my car to Neighbours and we danced all the booze off. We were on the stage and Mike was making out with some random guy and the Nate guy was grinding on Kiera and I, but meh. Too drunk to care. HEH. Kiera, Pepper and Nate ended up taking off with some guys they met and Mike drove my car home with me passed the fuck out in the passenger seat.

Saturday: Worked noon-8. Met up with Chelsey in the Kohl’s/Ross parking lot after work and she followed us back to Mike’s so we could pile in his car and do the Stanwood circuit. Stopped at the Silvana Tavern, had a jager bomb. Went to Blazing Saddles, decided not to drink there. Crossed the street to The Hotel, had a jager bomb and a beer. Went to Amigo’s, had an AMF and a Black Opal. BAD IDEA. WASTED. Some girl brought her guy friend over and he tried hitting on me and Chelsey. Actually, I was Chelsey and she was Bre. HEEEHHHH!!! His friend then came up and very loudly asked, "So, are you getting some pussy tonight?" and Chelsey came back with something very snide and awesome and very... Chelsey. Heh. The guy then asked Mike if he was gay. Which is the DUMBEST QUESTION EVER. He responded with "Probably," and walked out. I followed him. I don’t remember this much. Chelsey came out a second later in tears because she was wasted and the guys kept calling Mike a faggot or some shit. We then peed behind the building and Mike drove home. I passed out. Puked about 5 times in Mike’s driveway. He carried me in and plopped me on his bed. I said I had to puke again, so I hauled ass into the bathroom and puked a shitload more. Mike set up a bed for me in the bathtub with his old futon mattress, plopped me in it, and I puked again. Passed out in my own vomit. YAY!

Sunday: Day off. THANK GOD. Faded in and out all morning, finally moved when I got paranoid that people were gonna want to use the bathroom and passed out in Mike’s bed. Woke up at like 2-3pm with the worst hangover ever. We got up and met up with Jessie, Harley and Harley’s new roommate and some other guy at Boston’s. The food cured me. Heh. Had some Coldstone afterward, went to Linens and Things so Mike could buy a bedset for his new bed, went to Target, then went and checked out Jessie’s new apartment. Which I am in love with and I want to move into that complex SO BAD. GUH. Watched some Sex and the City, went back to Mike’s, went home, got a call from Terry, drove to the island, had a very seriously needed talk (we’re officially ’on a break’ until this whole treatment thing is over) and listened to his new demo in my car, drove home at like 11:30 and went to bed.

HOLY HELL.