FML

UGHHHHHHH.

Yesterday was fun. HEH. I wake up around noon ('cause we got home from the show around 3am that morning) and Terry's STILL awake with Kevin, wasted as fuck. So in his drunken state, he decides to lay into me about everything he can possibly think of. Brandon needs to go home and for some reason, it's all my fault he's been here. I'm a horrible person for getting so drunk the night before and having to have Brandon drive. I have no job. I'm "smoking all his cigarettes". There are 6 packs missing from the carton he bought on Friday. Of course, he's so drunk he doesn't take into consideration that he has a pack on him and later I found a full pack on the floor in front of the tv. So all that meant I couldn't smoke any of his cigarettes anymore. Luckily mom and Terry loaded Brandon and I up with about $60 in change, but after splitting that in half, buying toilet paper, gas and THEN cigarettes for myself, I have $3 left and I had to cancel my shoot in Seattle today because I only have 1/8 of a tank of gas. I already tried to back out of it once because fucking Sarah was supposed to be there, but I guess she scheduled another time with the guy because I was supposed to be there. So all in all, I look extremely unprofessional and flaky to this guy now.

But THAT'S NOT ALL. Yesterday I took Brandon home, hung out with mom and watched a movie, went back home. I walk in the door and Terry's passed out on the couch cuddling with Jordan.

UM. HI. I know I'm an extremely jealous person. But in this case, I trust Jordan completely and I already tried to let this go. It's just the fact that I had to leave the house in a fight and then come home to that. I'm not upset with her, I'm upset with HIM. Because I've heard stories about Terry getting wasted until he can barely fucking speak anymore and hitting on girls he wouldn't normally touch. Jordan should be one of those girls, considering she's 17 years old. And hello! YOU'VE GOT A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND.

I don't fucking know. I know I'm a pile of shit because I still haven't found a job yet. He puts so much angst into this whole situation, but at the same time, if I get a job, it's probably not gonna be some part-time, morning or mid-shift thing. The hours are going to be incredibly erratic. That means we're not going to see each other EVER and I damn well won't be able to take him anywhere. Not to work and back, not to band practice three times a week, and I'm most likely gonna miss all his shows. This is going to piss him off to no fucking end. He had a HUGE problem with it when I was working at Guess. He's just too fucking deluded to realize that this is going to happen again.

"Things aren't going Terry's way." Well fuck you! They AREN'T going to, because you only make $10 an hour now, pay hundreds of dollars a month to treatment and fines, pay rent AND LIVE WITH ROOMMATES. God forbid sometimes one of them is gonna have a random friend over who sleeps on the couch. And the fact that I keep the kitchen in immaculate condition and do all his laundry and drive him and his friends EVERYWHERE isn't enough. And honestly, if things were going "Terry's way", he'd have a fucking liver failure.

Know what? Things don't ever go "Bre's way". EVER. Not while I'm in Terryland. You think I fucking like picking up beer cans you and your friends leave sitting around all fucking day? I'm barely even able to go see my fucking family because I'm so low on gas all the time from having to drive you everywhere! I haven't even seen MY FRIENDS in MONTHS.

Fuck it. I'm going to the outlet mall today. I'm getting myself a job. Fuck him if he can't deal with the repercussions because he's so fucking accustomed to me doing shit for him 24/7.