FUCK.

Well fuck that. I think I was having a moment of self-hatred because Terry came back at me last night about 500 times worse than what I laid on him the other night.

Are we all good now and still together? Yes. For now.

My phone sounded a voicemail alert last night around 10pm. Apparently Terry had been calling for two hours straight and of course, he was wasted so he immediately assumed I was ignoring his calls. No. I was at home and I barely get service here. So he felt the need to call me a coward and just hurl everything he could at me via eight voicemails. I'm ugly. My voice sounds stupid. My teeth are disgusting. My hair is 'frizzy'. I have 'horrible personal hygiene'. I need to get a job. I'm dumb.

"All my friends always ask why I'm with you, and I tell them I don't know."

"Dude, I love you, but you're a stupid bitch."

This is never going to end. We'll do really well for a while and then I decide to go home and he gets wasted and wants me to come over, but I don't get my messages in time so he assumes I'm ignoring him and unleashes the most hurtful fucking shit he can muster. Which is REALLY fucking hurtful, to say the least. Then I get a hold of him, we yell at each other for a good ten minutes, then we make up and I go over to his house.

WHY DO I PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT?!?! If any of my friends told me they're going through exactly what I am now, I'd tell them to dump the motherfucker because they don't deserve that shit. Why am I so different?!?!

FUCK. Sometimes I wish we'd have had a clean fucking break.

Anyhow. Got to Terry's. He was passed out. OF COURSE. So I had to bang on his window. Didn't even stir. Opened his window and yelled at him to get up and open the door, 'cause it was locked. Had a smoke, fucked around, went to sleep. Woke up at 10am, went to Elger Bay so he could pick up smokes and give me gas money, went back to the house and I watched him frame up a dog house for Sidney for about 4 hours. Which was amusing as fuck, actually. And hey, now I can make a dog house if I ever need to. Heh.

Goddamnit. I wish I could fucking figure out why I put up with so much shit. He was SO AMAZING at first. The only thing that I can figure happened is he grew some sort of hatred for me after he got his second DUI last year. I mean, yeah, it was partially my fault. But he REALLY didn't have to get behind the wheel. But if he fucking hates me so much like he always says in those horrible fucking voicemails, why does he continue to bother with me? I even asked him that last night.

"Uhhh... because I love you? Durrface."

...not really. If you love someone you don't intentionally hurt them. EVER. I would NEVER say anything like that to him.

Ugh. To be continued.