More wandering into the past...

Reading old blogs from March through September '07. Holy shit. How did I LIVE through that shit? Looking back, I miss having my own place SO GODDAMN BAD, but then I remember the floor being saturated in cat shit and piss. And the dreaded fudge. It was EVERYWHERE. Cans and half-smoked cigarettes and "creative chaos" everywhere you looked. Goddamn. And otherwise having my entire life controlled by a sociopathic 18-year-old? Being told I can't have sex with my BOYFRIEND in MY OWN HOUSE?!?! No thanks.

I do NOT miss that bitch. Not one bit.

But the rest of it... UGH. I miss Terry and I being attached to each other. What happened to that, besides the obvious lack of a driver license on his part? We still made it work after he stopped driving illegally. Heh.

Guh. I just miss going over to Terry's and partying with him, the Tobys and Christine (who now hates me because of the previously mentioned bitch). I really, really do. I miss him picking me up from work blasting Lamb of God in that gnarly blue Mitsubishi truck. I miss dinners at Jasmin. I miss holing up in his room and fucking as loudly as we wanted and watching hours of The Whitest Kids U' Know. I miss people being fucking disgusted by our inability to detach ourselves from each other.

I miss random walks to Phinickey's and just going into the beer garden and sitting on his lap and being disgusting. And yes, even getting beer spilled on my flip-flopped feet all night long. HEH.

Hell, I even miss that one day I let Sarah tag along when Big Toby was passing cars at 80mph down the freeway in his gigantic truck to go get coke in Lake Stevens. Probably because it scared her more than it did me.

I miss "Oh Brefuss. You're so pretty." I miss Amber calling me at 1am because Terry was wasted at her house and wouldn't stop talking about how he wanted me there. "He really loves you."

No matter how hard I try to let this go and pretend it's just this casual relationship, I just can't. It's fucking impossible to forget all these things and all the fucking emotions they conjure up.

I miss us being happy. Together.