Balls.

Good thing I didn't ride in today. I was supposed to work at 9, but the mall doesn't even open 'til fucking 10 today. That means I would have been outside dying of hypothermia for 2 1/2 hours. But yeah. Still snowed in. I was calling the fucking store from 8:30 to around 9:20 and got nothing, so I called Joseph and was all like, "What the dick is going on?!?!"

Heh. Have to start calling in again in a few. I'll die of shock if anyone is even there to open, 'cause from the sound of it even people in Everett are snowed in. That's nuts.

Today is officially going to become "I'm-snowed-in-so-I-have-nothing-better-to-do-than-pamper-myself" day. Bubble bath, re-dye my pink chunk, eyebrows, nails, everything. Wewt.

Off to make Perry Ellis' phone ring off the hook again. Yay.

GAH!

I was having the fanciest day ever earlier. I popped in FotC, curled up in my blanket with the biggest bowl of clam chowder ever, and not even halfway into the second episode, the power goes out. And stayed out for I think about two hours 'cause I was able to finish my book with the help of mom's LED booklight. Heh. Damnit. I wanted that book to last forever. Then I passed out for a few and woke up to mom and Terry coming in the door and POWER. Heh.

The snow is still horrid. Surprise! Looks like tomorrow I'm gonna have to ride into work with mom and Terry 'cause they got chains for the car. My car would never survive this shit.

I'm hoping for a random heatwave. Heh. I can't stand not driving myself places. Makes me feel out of control.

Blehhhh I dun wanna work tomorrow.

And weirdness...

Also. I had this really funky drug-induced dream that Karina, Doom, John, a couple other people and I took a road trip in my car to California. We kept dining and dashing the whole way there and I kept running into everyone I knew from elementary school and beyond. It was crazy. Like, I ran into people I haven't even thought about in years.

Vicodin's a helluva drug.

FUCK SNOW!

Nothing happened last night. My mouth started to hurt while I was dropping Kyle and Brandon off, so I headed back home, but then Kyle called right as I was about to lose service and said he left his cigarettes in my car. UGH. So I had to turn back around and bring him his smokes. By then I realized it would be way too late to call any dentist's offices, so I just went home, popped a vic and passed out to FotC. Heh.

I wake up and WHAT?!?! There's like, a fucking foot of snow outside. I might be able to brave it, but I think I'm too lazy at this point.

But hey, at least if this keeps up I'll save some money. I'll wind up losing some off my next paycheck, but meh.

I HATE YOU, SNOW! HATEYOUHATEYOU!!!

I've come to the conclusion that the only people who like snow don't drive. Or they live in close proximity to civilization. Sure, I used to like snow. That was when it meant I could miss school. Heh. And I've magically acquired this severe aversion to the cold.

So today is effed. I guess I'll just take a shower and curl up in my blanket on the couch and watch Family Guy all day. Wewt.

Kill me.

So mom and I figured out why my nose feels broken. One of my front teeth has abcessed and it's right behind my nose, attempting to push it away from my head. AWESOME.

I think after I get done with the carting peoples around tonight I'm gonna have to go over to Gramma and Grampa's and really get this dentist shit figured out. I feel extremely feverish every fucking day now. Especially at work. And I know I'm not sick. I blew my nose this morning (and what a feat that was...), and the snot was full of blood.

Am I fucking Superwoman or something? I think if people with less of a pain tolerance than me would have tried to fucking kill themselves by now. And I suppose I sort of am. But with alcohol. Heh.

Well. Off to go cart people around before the onslaught of phone calls begins. Ugh.

Full-blown scoop.

My nose still feels broken. But I'm doing much better otherwise.

FINALLY got around to Pantsmas shoppy. One gift down, fifty million to go. Those bitches were expensive, too. Good stuff. You'd better love me, sir. Heh.

I'm at a total loss about what to get everyone else, though. Guh. GIFT CARDS AND BOOKS FOR ALL!!!

Last night was pretty fantastic. Kyle bailed on Joo-staaaa and I, so I called up Mike and we had a couple drinks at Twisted then went to Joseph's apartment and drank wine and talked shit from like midnight to 3am. It was fancy. The drive home sucked. By the time I hit Smokey Point on the freeway, there was snow. FUCK SNOW. And it only got worse as I got closer to my house. I peeled out a little at 164th and McElroy, but there were no other incidents.

Hopefully Kyle doesn't bail out again tonight. GUH.

I'ma finish up my Zune update (89% after a week of downloading! UGH!) and then venture out into the world, I think.

Broken face. Fucking AWESOME.

FUCKING FABULOUS.

My entire weekend is blown all to hell. I woke up about 30 minutes ago and the left half of my face is completely swollen. My upper lip is protruding from my face and my nose feels almost like it's broken. Ever seen Fun With Dick and Jane? That part where she gets the experimental botox-type injection? That's exactly how I fucking feel right now.

I took four ibuprofen. If they don't work some kind of miracle within the next three hours, I'm not going to work or doing anything tonight. This is fucking humiliating, not to mention painful as hell.

FUCK.

DEATH.

YOOOYYYY dumpy photos.

I'd be more enthusiastic (really, I am totally enamored with the photos), but I literally feel like I could puke my guts out at any given moment.

I was in agony all day at work and almost got to leave early because of it, but I had to stay in the store with Brandon (co-worker) until Joseph came back from running the deposit.

It's gotten so bad. I was helping this sweet old lady find some grey slacks for her son, and every time she'd say something funny and I'd smile, this horrible fucking pain kept shooting through the side of my face. It's very, VERY difficult to keep that level of agony under wraps when dealing with a customer.

So I got home around 3, took a vicodin and a half, lazed about, took two more at 6 and passed out. Now I have this horrible painkiller hangover and I feel incredibly nauseated. Damn good thing I don't work 'til 4:30pm tomorrow. Jesus fucking hell.

So. Tomorrow's agenda (providing I'm not comatose by then): Wake up around 11-noon, cash tiny paycheck, pick up some Carl's Jr (IT'S OPEN!) if my teeth aren't killing me, work 4:30-9:30, find Joo-staaa and Kyle and wreak havoc on... somewhere. Who knows.

Yup. Okay, gonna go back to bed for the third time in the past 24 hours. Heh.

Better.

After those 'profens and a hot shower, the swelling went down considerably. THANK GOD. I'm expecting it to go down a lot more before I have to leave at 2:30. Yay.

The thing that sucks, though, is that out of everything in this house, the only thing I can eat without being in agony is peanut butter sandwiches. No jam. That'll only make it hurt more. Balls.

Yup. Once this shit settles in my stomach I'm gonna feel a million times better. The only thing I was able to eat yesterday was a Yakisoba/ramen thing. And I'm pretty sure that's all I had for like 36 hours. Put three and a half vicodin on top of that. Heh. No wonder I almost puked.

Might even have to make myself a banana smoothie before the rest of the bananas go REALLY bad.

Ummm... wewt. Off to fight with my hair.

FUCKING OW.

Today Kris kept saying it was Thursday. TEASE MY COCK, WHY DON'T YOU?!?!

No. It's Wednesday.

After all my black-out purchases finally went through, I discovered that I had about $10 in my bank account. So that's awesome. Officially have $5 now 'cause I had to put half a tank of gas in my car. GUHHHH.

I need my goddamn paycheck. AND! I'm no longer allowed to spend money while I'm wasted. Small food purchases are always okay, but not handing my debit card to someone else to go buy shit 'cause I'm too drunk to get out of the car. HEH. That happened A LOT last weekend.

And $25 worth of donuts is NEVER okay. Goddamnit, that was the stupidest shit EVER.

So no more extravagant drunken spending.

I woke up at 4am this morning bawling because one of my teeth hurt so bad. It STILL hurts. It feels like it's trying to escape from my mouth through the front of my gums. I have to call Grampa tomorrow and see about setting up a dentist appointment ASAP. I just can't deal with this anymore. It's crossed the boundary from 'unpleasant' to 'fucking agonizing'. And the biggest bitch is that once one stops hurting, another totally random one starts.

Not even vicodin helps. The only thing that either stops the pain or makes me not care anymore is alcohol.

Fuck my life.

I swear to god...

If I hear ONE MORE fucking rendition of "Baby It's Cold Outside", I'm going to fucking off myself.

WORST. CHRISTMAS SONG. EVER.

So over the holidays. I cannot stand this fucking music at work. ESPECIALLY the aforementioned song(s) and anything Beyonce has ever recorded. WHO THINKS HER TRILLING SOUNDS GOOD? HONESTLY?! BEYONCE SOUNDS LIKE SHIT, YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!

*death*

BLEHHHH.

This past weekend has been really, REALLY fuckin' intense. Like, I have no idea what happened for about 1/4 of it.

Eff. I was hammered from Friday night to around 6am Sunday morning, when I finally passed out. Good stuff. We were all playing beer pong at Richard's and I got Mike to show up. Kali and I bought three dozen donuts, then I guess I ended up singing on Rock Band (classic) and I wound up going to 7-11 or somewhere with Kyle but I blacked out before we even left.

From what I'm told, Kalahni (sp?) and Kyle had to carry me into the house from my car 'cause I was out cold. Then Randy (WHAT THE FUCK?!?!) was trying to wake me up and was picking me up off the couch and shit. Wow. So Mike, Doom and Randy went to Twisted, then all of them plus Kyle went to Neighbours after 2. FUCK MY LIFE.

Then it was pretty much the same the next day, but I never blacked out. Heh. We picked up Brittney from Everett, ended up in Snohomish somehow, then went back to the apartment where I was greeted with a bottle of SoCo from David. HEH.

Everything else is kinda blurry. And I have never had a hangover worse than the one I had on Sunday. Which in fact, carried all the way over into today during my first few hours at work. Gross.

Well. I need a shower and then I need to continue to eat everything in the house.

'Circus' and my parallel life.

Okay. I've officially listened to 'Circus', sans all the bonus tracks my lucky face managed to get with it.

Awesome. But why the fuck is 'Radar' on it, please? I'm really, really confused. It even says on Amazon that it's supposed to be there. What gives, Britney? Nothing changed up. Same exact track that's on Blackout.

Also. 'Blur' is the closest thing to an autobiographical song I'll ever get by a person I've never even met before. Heh.

...I'm sure lots of people will say that, however. Good ol' drunken bastards.

In short, I can't wait to blast this shit in my car on the way to work tomorrow. Yusss.

In other news. That book I bought yesterday is also about my life. If I happened to be a drag queen in New York (and hey, I've still got my whole life ahead of me...). Seriously. This guy and I are EXACTLY. THE. SAME. Be it our views on relationships, drunken antics or how we shower. SAME PERSON.

Go fucking read it. "I Am Not Myself These Days" by Josh Kilmer-Purcell.

Relief?

So. Tonight Grampa said we're both going to get our teeth ripped out within the month.

By the way, after that guy's comments to me yesterday, I no longer care who knows I wear a 'grill'. If you care, then you probably shouldn't be in my life in the first place.

I wear fake teeth. Get over it, because I'm awesome.

*raspberries yo face*

So yeah. I'm kinda lost as to what I'm gonna do about work, because I obviously have no vacation time at this point. The only thing I can think of that will actually play out is to put in my two weeks, get my teeth pulled, recover for two more weeks, go get my dentures, then get hired back on. I'm gonna have to talk to Kris about this tomorrow. Not that we have any date set yet, I just need to figure out my options.

This is exactly what I want for Pantsmas. Really. I want nothing more in the world. In addition to crying in agony with a swollen empty face, I'll be crying out of pure fucking joy and relief.

UGH. I can't wait.

"Welcome to Seattle Premium, fuck you."

Yet another incident. Luckily, this time it had nothing to do with me--

A group of about five people comes in and wanders the store for about two seconds. Kris was busy doing something at the cashwrap. As they're back by the door, Kris asks if they need help with anything.

"It's too late now! We'll take our money elsewhere!" And they leave in a huff.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

This further proves my theory that people come shop at AIDS Seattle Premium just to start shit.

Do people really go into random stores with absolutely NOTHING in mind and expect to be tended to immediately like they're some rich-ass big-spending royalty? REALLY?!?! YOU ARE. SHOPPING. AT AN OUTLET MALL!!! THIS IS NOT FUCKING NORDSTROM!!! Are you FUCKING kidding me?!?!

Say it with me now! OUT. LET. Just because it's located next to some fancy-ass casino and resort does NOT mean you're gonna be treated like Paris fucking Hilton, okay? What's on the south side of the casino? WALMART AND HOME DEPOT. ARE YOU BLIND?!?!

If I were in charge of that shitty fucking mall, I would punish each rude customer by making them work Black Friday, Boxing Day, Spring Break, Memorial Day weekend or Back-To-School in the mall, depending on whichever one was coming up. THAT would fucking teach 'em. AND it would boost everybody's goddamn payroll.

...remind me to never be a manager anywhere. Heh.

UGHHHHHH!!!

Anyway. I don't wanna be here. I think I'ma fight with my hair a bit and then head over to Gramma and Grampa's.

Yep.

DUMPY!!!

Today started off good. Then got real bad in two seconds.

(But then it got really good again. So yeah. Heh!)

So I get to the Hill around 9:30 and start wandering around, looking for dumpsters. HEH. That was awesome. Found the perfect one right off Thomas St., then headed back to my car and waited for Amanda 'cause the Seattle Marathon had her bus running late. Went to meet up with her in front of Riteaid, and immediately got harassed twice in the span of about 5 minutes. Never wearing a tube dress in Seattle ever again without the protection of a male. Seriously.

The reason my whole day almost got ruined: this guy with a bike approaches me and asks if I'd be interested in buying his shitty fucking mountain bike for $20. I politely decline.

"Are you sure? Do you know anyone who needs a christmas gift?"
"...no. Sorry."
"WOW! Your teeth are REALLY yellow! LEMME SEE!"
"What the f... no!"
"Why are they like that?"
*just wanting to get him the fuck out of my face* "If you must know, they're fake and I smoke and they stain easily." *death glare*
"So that's how you ward off guys, right?"
"Yep. Thanks." *GLARE*

Dude rides off.

FUCKING. ASSHOLE. Ya know, usually I really enjoy people who have a serious lack of brain-to-mouth filter. Not these ones. Didn't this guy learn ANY manners as a child?! FUCK. WHO DOES THAT?!?!

So anyway. Heh. Amanda finds me, then we go check out the dumpy. Decided against the first one 'cause it was full of food waste and stunk HORRIBLY. But the one behind it was for recycling and therefore wasn't disgusting. And I rolled around in it for an hour and a half. HEH! We almost weren't able to shoot there, though. Someone who must have been the apartment manager walked out the side door and asked us to not hang out there. We told him we were just doing a photoshoot, but picked up our stuff to leave anyhow. He explained that he had a lot of issues with junkies trying to shoot up in that little alcove, and they usually argue with him, but when we picked up to leave immediately and he saw the camera, he let us stay. Good effing thing, too.

So yeah. This was the single most amazing photoshoot I've ever experienced. Love Amanda. LOVE HER. Can't wait for the finished product(s)!

Afterward I went and hung out with Chelsey and Tyler until Chelsey had to leave for work, then Tyler and I went shopping at H&M and Barnes & Noble. I was saddened to find absolutely nothing at H&M. But I got this book I've been wanting forever, "I Am Not Myself These Days" by Josh Kilmer-Purcell. I'm about 36 pages in, and it's fucking incredible already.

Anyhow. Watchin' Family Guy. Drinkin' some M&R. Awww yeahhhh.

Work tomorrow at 10. Bleh.

Worst. Day. Ever.

Work was bad.

Okay, Kris' idea of 'register training' is telling me the basic functions (how to get through your general transaction) and then setting me loose on the world. This is a very, very bad idea when she decides to do this on a day when 50% of the transactions are actually returns and exchanges. UGH. Plus there were all kinds of fucking russians who wanted me to ring things up in two separate transactions.

SO. FUCKING. ANNOYING. AND our POS is so fucking outdated and useless. Here was my biggest annoyance today. A guy wanted gift receipts for the three things he bought. There's no option to select them all at once. You have to go back for each fucking line and manually do each one. AND if you fuck up and forget to add a discount to something but already rang the next item up, you have to fucking void the entire goddamn transaction because you have to add the discount immediately to the line you just rang up and their line deletes make the system fucking freeze up. IT'S HELL. And now I'm gonna be expected to ring every goddamn day I work.

So my last russian guy I had to have Joe take over for because his suits weren't ringing up correctly and the stupid line deletes/edits weren't working.

Today was just... bad. And before I got 'register trained', I was replenishing, walked past this guy and he says to me, "Don't you ever say 'excuse me'?!"

"...huh?" -me
"You bumped into me twice!"

*seething inside, ready to fucking deck him*
"Oh, did I? I'm so sorry." -dripping with sweetness and sincerity

I did NOT EVER bump into this guy. First of all, I didn't recognize him. SECOND, whenever I bump into someone, of COURSE I'm going to apologize. DUH. I fucking love these foreigners who come in and try to pick fights with the minimum wage employees.

After that one, I was about to fucking lose it. And that was the FIRST incident of the day! FUCK!

Goddamn. I need to go shower and decompress. Gotta shoot with LunaC at 10am in Capitol Hill tomorrow. I'm a nervous wreck. 'Cause not only am I gonna stink to high heaven after all is said and done, I'm probably gonna ruin the dress I'm gonna wear. Pooo.

I need to figure out what I'm gonna do to my hair.

Okay. Shower.

"Do you have one funky sequined space suit or do you have several CH-CHANGES?!?!"

Today was fancy. I didn't see the brunt of it, which was apparently around 1-2am where there was a line from the cashwrap all the way out the front doors, but meh. From 8-4, it was about as busy as your typical medium-volume day at Guess. Which is nothing.

So yeah. Pretty much recovered the store all day long.

AFTER work, I got shuttled back to the overflow parking, went and cashed my check, went to Fred Meyer to pick up either Flight of the Conchords season one or any older season of South Park. They had neither. UGH. So I went to Petsmart and blew $75. This needs some back story.

Ever since I got those new fish, they've all been acting weird. AND both of my kuhli loaches died! FUCK! So I tested the water the other day and the nitrates and pH were out of control. Bought a pH neutralizer, foodz, new filters and a motherfuckin' Python. That thing alone cost me $43, but I've been needing it for years. So now I can start properly cycling my tank again and my babies will have nice clean gravel.

Anyhow. Went to Ross and impulse-bought two pairs of skinny jeans. One pair plain black, the other HOT PINK ACID WASH. HEH! They're amazing and so fucking tight that I can barely move my knees in them. It took me like 5 minutes just to get them up over my calves.

Woo. Pants.

Toyed with the idea of going to Best Buy and/or Target, but I glanced at the parking lot from the freeway and immediately decided against it. Heh.

So I has to order my Flight of the Conchords dvd off Amazon. Boo.

Now I have the beginnings of the worst toothache ever (which is happening every day now, it seems) and a gnarly headache. But I still wanna go do something. Heh. Probably won't happen. I'll probably just cuddle up with my cat in my blankies and watch Family Guy. Heh.

Until then... shower time.

"DAMN, Gina!"

So last night Joseph and I went skating at the Lynnwood Skate and Bowl. I hadn't been skating in like two years, and my legs hurt like HELL for a good portion of the night. Still managed to whip out the pink pumps for the bar, though. HEH.

So, we meet up with his buddy John back at Joe's apartment, then headed over to Twisted.

Okay. Run down of drinks imbibed last night:
Four glasses of Heineken at the apartment
Two glasses of champagne at the apartment
Two jagerbombs
One AMF
One shot of tequila
Random swipes off everyone's drinks

Needless to say, I blacked out the rest of the night. There are snippets where I remember Joe driving around trying to find John's apartment in Lynnwood, walking inside, and then being in the hot tub in my underwear. HEH. I woke up on the couch still in my underwear wrapped in a towel and a blanket. And apparently, we kept on drinking once we got there the night before. FUCKING HELL. I cannot believe I didn't puke. We went to leave this morning and discovered some slight damage to Joe's Mazda. Oh dear. Rims all scraped up and some black scrapes to the front bumper. Don't remember a goddamn thing.

So I get to my car and drive home. As soon as I get there, mom and Terry are ready to head over to Gramma and Grampa's. Not me. Oh dear god, no. I passed out for like four more hours and physically could NOT get off the couch. I literally lay there for two hours willing myself to get up. Didn't even get over here until 4pm.

Happy turkey day. Heh. Not looking forward to work tomorrow.

Oh, work drama.

Fucking. Schizo.

Kris is at it again. She was super-pleasant all morning. Then out of nowhere she started laying all this shit on me about how certain supervisors and assistants were annoying her and going into detail about it.

These people did nothing wrong.

Yeah. Rene is leaving. Big fucking deal. She acts like it's a goddamn personal attack or something. "She has a bad attitude."

YOU HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE! THAT and her severely low pay is WHYYYYY she's leaving!

Then she went into this spiel about how Joseph was 'fucking everything up' yesterday by handing her two copies of some document I know nothing about. I'm a lowly associate. HELLOOOO. From what I could gather, you should just take one of the fucking documents and shred the fucking other one or something! And ya know what? He's fucking brand new! So sorry that he didn't pick up every goddamn thing he's supposed to do in the entire store within two fucking weeks.

This makes sense to none of you. Honestly, most of the shit Kris freaks out about doesn't make sense to anyone else, either.

Then this was amazing. Joe likes to buy us Starbucks sometimes just to be nice. He gets our orders and brings them back into the stockroom. I heard him say something about them forgetting the straw in Kris' drink when he came back in. He sets it on the desk, she finds it and asks in a VERY condescending tone, "What am I supposed to do, snort this?!"

0_o OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. HOW CAN A PERSON REACT LIKE THAT TO A FREE OVERPRICED BEVERAGE?!?! He said something to her like, "Well, walk your little buns over there and get yourself a straw," in a lighthearted manner. And that was that. Then I had to drive Kris to the bank to make the deposit 'cause her boyfriend drove her into work that day. When we got back, Kris headed straight to the stockroom and Joe pulled me aside and started bitching about how her reaction was completely uncalled for and saying shit like he'll leave and not give it a second thought because she's such a heinous cunt sometimes. So he asked me to man the floor while he went back there to bitch her out. HEH.

See if you ever get a free coffee ever again, you crime.

Kris is ridiculous. I really can't stand her anymore. She wants that goddamn store manager position SOOOO bad, but if she keeps stressing out about the TINY STORE so badly and taking her shit out on everyone else, she's not going to get it. And I really fucking hope she doesn't. Steve will see through her bullshit and outsource someone else. And then she'll leave. She told us she would. It'll be glory.

I can't believe her fucking nerve sometimes. She actually talked shit about Angel to me the other day. YOU DON'T DO THAT.

"I really hope I get the store because I'm building a great team and I'm sick of all these bad managers who up and leave, like the last one."

UMMMM-UHHH!!! NO! You know why Angel's so great? She runs a 7 million dollar store and manages about 40+ employees and doesn't fucking FREAK OUT or have gnarly moodswings or blow up at co-workers, and still somehow maintains the most positive and chipper attitude I've ever had the pleasure of working under. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, Miss "I run a tiny little store with an average hourly traffic of 10 people but freak out constantly in front of anyone."

Sorry if they offered her more salary to come back than your precious Perry Ellis could have dreamed of offering. What the fuck would you have done?!?

Panicpanicpanic always. You know what? I'm responsible for maintaining that teeny little stockroom with more backstock than we can handle, which you freak out about every time you look at it, but am *I* freaking out? NO! IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL!

It's not the goddamn crisis situation you imagine it to be! NOTHING IN THAT STORE IS. YOU are the sole fucking reason I'm stressed about my job at all!

FUCK.

*seethes*

I really wish I could just fucking blow up on people sometimes. I really, really do.

"Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to earth?"

I BET YA DO, YA FREAKY OLD BASTARD, YOOOO-HOOO!!!

Went out to Twisted with Joseph for a couple drinks after the store meeting tonight. HEH!

We're probably gonna go batshit insane with the partying the weekend after next. It's gonna be awesome.

In other news. Shoots lined up for the next two months: LunaC on the 30th, Chev on Dec. 4th, Parris Blue sometime next month and Machine on January 24th. WOOOOO. Busy.

Okay. Now I'm motivated to blog about the weekend. Heh.

Friday night I went over to John's with Doom, Kyle, Lacie and her friend Tori. Got pretty hammered playing beer pong. But apparently Brandon blacked out and was generally being pretty hilarious, but he totally ninja'd my car keys. HEH. So by the time I was ready to leave to go see Terry, I had no keys and everyone in the house was scouring EVERYWHERE for them. Kyle eventually found them in Doom's pocket. Headed off to Terry's and hung out with him and Shawn and went to bed.

Saturday I worked 12-6, then went back to John's for more beer pong glory. And John finally beat my ass at Riff. Somewhere along the line, Don started texting me and we decided to go get him. So we play another round of beer pong with Don on my team and I fucking blacked out real bad. I guess I told John I needed to eat something, so he made me a chimichanga and the last thing I remember was eating it whilst wobbling back and forth in the kitchen. *BLACK*

Apparently I sprawled out in the middle of the kitchen floor and passed out, was woken up by the guys, then I was in the bathroom for 15 minutes, then I went and passed out on the chair in the living room. Jesus.

So yeah. Interesting weekend. I find it kinda hilarious how EVEN NOW, Don and I can't seem to stop fighting about our past. HEH.

Bed.

GLEE!

Oooohhh and this is badass:

Shoot with LunaC sometime next month.

In a dumpster.

I am full of win. It's gonna be classy as fuck. I'm excited.

"Z!!!!"

Work dragged today. End.

HEH. Not a chance.

So I picked up Kyle from work around 10:30 last night. We went and bugged Kali for a second, got some shit from Kyle's house, then went to Walmart and wreaked havoc. By the time we got home it was around 12:30 and we all passed out watching Family Guy season six around 1:30-2am. Woke up at 4:30 so I could take Kyle to work. GROSS. So I drop him off, sit in the parking lot for about 30 minutes, then head into Everett to piss in a cup. Which was so gloriously painless and the whole ordeal took about 10 minutes, in and out. Amazing. Head for home, watch more Family Guy, head to work at 9:20. I literally started dozing off on 172nd. Scary shit.

Work wasn't too eventful. Except the night before, Joe was being terrorized by some right-wing pieces of shit at Lynnwood's Skate and Bowl or whatever and he had to tell me all about it. These fucks stuck four gigantic screws in one of his brand new tires. What the hell?

SEE! This is the part of homophobia I don't fucking get! WHHYYYYYYY do people care so much?!?! Honestly, it has NOTHING to do with them at ALL and it's actually none of their goddamn business! I don't get how they get all riled up! The poor guy just wants to fucking go skate with his family and he didn't do anything in the slightest to provoke them.

Yeah. He has a baby. Apparently they have a problem with gays procreating, as well. I always thought the main argument against gay marriage was that gay people WEREN'T going to procreate. Sooo... why do they have a fucking problem with him and his best female friend having a fucking baby?!?! Because it's out of straight wedlock or something?!?!

UGH. This shit frustrates me. SO. GODDAMN. MUCH.

Anyway. Got off work, went and brought Mike some Kool-Aid (HEH! "You should go to Safeway and get me some grape drink!"), had plans to go hang out with Terry and Kevin, but they got effed 'cause apparently Terry passed out at his house. Sooooo yeah. Sittin' here half drunk about to fuck with my profile for hours on end. Woooo day off.

And. I'm officially changing the plain ol' 'z' in my last name to one that strobes from black to white, then shoots red lasers.

Yep.

"IT'S THE CHOO-CHOO SHOE!!!! CHAAAAARLIEEEE!!!"

"Sometimes I have to put my crotch on hold, 'cause it won't shut up..."

"...and I don't speak crotch, which sounds kinda like Japaneeeeese!" -Chivahn, changing the words to some Green Day song. HEEEEEEEEE!!!

Goddamn. I leave internet land for what, four days, and Courtney Love decides to go batshit insane with teh blogging.

HEH. She's seriously posted 19 blogs in a two day span. I love Myspace sometimes.

So. Quick rundown.

Friday night I got off work and hung out with Terry and Amber at Amber's place. I really do enjoy her and I feel really bad that I haven't seen her in so long.

Saturday night I went over to John's and failed in a severely epic manner at beer pong. Which I had never ever played before. Drank about 3-4 shots of R&R, two shots of tequila and around 5-6 cups of beer. Wound up singing on Rock Band 2 for a while. As wasted as I was and as horrible as I sounded (to myself, anyhow...) I never got anything under 80% on medium. Which I couldn't believe. I think I got 88% on 'Livin' On A Prayer'. HEH! Got molested by Kali, proposed marriage to Scott. Amazing night. Around 4am I went and got B'fish for Mike and brought it to him at Harley's. We chatted and drank beer for about an hour before I decided I'd best get my ass home, 'cause I had a hair appointment with Chev that afternoon. Which was amazing. Mommy got her hurrs did, too. It looks really good.

So after that we dropped teh Chev at home and went to harass Chelsey at work. Bought a fancy grey tube dress. That thing is so amazingly slutty and awesome.

Today I drove Kyle and Doom into work with me so Kyle could go look for a job. Which he found immediately at Banana Republic and he's already working there RIGHT NOW. Fucking crazy. I have to go pick him up at ten. Anyway. Got into work and the new assistant, Joe (who is abso-fuckin'-lutely flaming and has taken an insane liking to me for whatever reason... he calls me Miss Bre, Princess and Spanky. HEH.), invited me to go to One-Eyed Jacks with him on Friday. We were talking about bars the other day and discovered we both love the place. WEIRD! So yeah. Friday I'ma go get wasted with my new gay boss. And probably sing some karaoke or something. HEH! Expect photographic evidence.

Work was grood. I was supposed to go do the damn piss test today, but I went there and discovered they close at 5. Kris told me it was 7. UGHHH. So I think I'm gonna go in there before work tomorrow 'cause if I tell her one more time that I didn't do it, she's gonna rip my fucking head off. Mike, Doom and I hung out in Mike's car for a bit 'cause he was feeling abstract. Heh. Then Doom and I went to Fred Meyer for Family Guy season 6 (YAY!), and got an oil change. Finally. It had been about a year and two months since I had one. I'm surprised my engine didn't explode already.

In other news. Getting sick. Fucking awesome. Gonna go shower and watch some Family Guy until I have to go get teh Kyle.

Drunken rant/autobiography

Blah blah blah self-centered rambling.

Heh. I'm at this point right now where I miss everything. I'm chugging 151 and listening to Britney Spears (HEH) and every fucking song is some indicator of a better time in my life. Sad, eh?

In The Zone came out when I was still with Don and a lazy-ass, fat, unemployed piece of shit, but I was pretty happy. Randy, Doom and I used to roll around Everett eating Taco Bell and blasting it. Not that I miss Randy, he turned out to be a psychotic pile of shit, but I miss the era.

Blackout. Rollin' around Marysville with Mike. Better times at Guess, i.e. not crying in the stockroom three times a week. Heh.

I completely lost where I was going with this. Who cares. I'ma ramble with no real regard to anyone reading this or their desire to read anything in a chronological and/or relevant order. Welcome to my brain.

Why do I fall in love with anyone who has a penis and shows me the slightest bit of attention? Seriously? Where the fuck did this come from? Not really sitting here and boohoo-ing about it, I'm really interested in traveling to my past and finding the exact moment where my brain's chemistry decided to re-wire itself in such a horrible fashion. The honest-to-god truth is that I'm never interested in someone unless they show some sort of interest first. And my brain usually misconstrues friendliness as romantic interest. Let's have a rundown of my 'romantic' history.

I was molested all throughout my childhood by my peers, my step-brother and one of my mother's boyfriends. I'll leave it at that. I never dwelled on it or anything, but these experiences HAD to have played a part in how fucked up I am today.

Patrick. This is where everything came tumbling down at the tender age of 12. His friend conned me into 'going out' with him in my front yard. I found him to be repellant at first. But the second he (literally) started molesting me on the school bus, I was infatuated. He constantly made advances at me that I was way too young to even think about dealing with, called me awful names, and eventually raped my virginity on my friend's living room floor the summer of '97. My 'friend' went and hid, and I gave up fighting him off and just let it happen. The entire student body knew I was a 'whore' by the time school started back up. I never bothered to tell anyone the truth because, honestly, I didn't want to deal with a lawsuit or my parents hunting the fucker down, killing him and ending up in prison for the rest of their lives. That whole experience haunted me until around 9th grade and I was the biggest whore Arlington ever knew.

Mike was a guy who lived down the street and decided I was worthy of fooling around with for about a month when I was 14. He then disappeared.

Emmett was a horrible disaster. I met him at my friend Tammi's "OMGSCHOOL'SOVERFORHTESUMMERYAAAYYYY!!!" party. He was friends with Aaron, her boyfriend at the time. We all went out into Tammi's field, got stoned, then Emmett and I found ourselves up in Tammi's room all but having sex. We got each other's numbers and started talking nearly every day. He came over a couple times regaling me with tales about how he's been in all these orgies and got a blowjob on a bus. HEH. I immediately slept with him and that's pretty much all we did all summer. I started experiencing all these delusions that we were in love and we were gonna get married and all this shit. I got a call from Rachell, my best friend at the time, when school started back up and she said she saw him fooling around with some blonde girl at the park she hung out at. I freaked. We were on-again off-again for the next two years. Every time he broke up with me we would both try to kill ourselves. Fucking tragic. This constant cycle eventually found me in Fairfax, a psychiatric hospital in Kirkland, for a week.

I don't want to go into Darryl. He was a fucking pile of shit and I only liked him after he showed sexual interest in me. But with HIM, the tables had turned. He used to freak out because he thought I didn't love him and threaten to kill himself because he was 'so in love with me'. He turned out to be a (clinical) schizophrenic who was a nazi one day and an anarchist the next. He was eventually hospitalized.

We were 15.

Chris was Chev's friend who thought I was hot. All but slept with him in Chev's then-boyfriend Johnny's camper.

Then I met Don. I used to tell myself everything was perfect, but it was far from it. He was a very, very mean alcoholic and he was constantly flip-flopping between being desperately in love with me to putting me down for absolutely no reason. But he became my world and I rarely saw anyone other than him for the next five years. Eventually married him. Had an early quarter-life crisis at 21 and left him out of the blue. We're still not divorced.

Randy. Dear god. He told me he was interested, so after a few days I warmed up to the idea and decided to date him. Worst decision I ever made in my life. He turned out to be very, very strange and nearly suicidal. Somehow I became obsessed. See? I have no idea where the transformation occurs. Finally got fed up almost a year in and cheated on him several times with this douchebag Trevor, who lost interest in me when he discovered he could have probably had me. I didn't leave Randy because while I couldn't stand him, I was still terrified of what he was gonna do to himself.

Somewhere during one of me and Randy's breaks, I dated my very good friend John. The timing was horrible and I fucked that up really, really badly and I don't wish to go into it. I guess he just wasn't emotionally-unstable enough for me. Jesus. I'm a RETARD. Hindsight is fucking 20/20.

Terry. He was a fucking dream come true. It took me a while to finally decide to date him because I had heard bad things about his former relationship with my old friend Jenea. But he actually loved me. Really, actually loved me. Then I drove drunk, started to get sick while driving and had him take over. Got pulled over and he got another DUI. Part of him has hated me ever since then. We've been on-again, off-again for the last eight months or so.

THEN! Oh, it gets worse! Somewhere in my confusion over Terry, I fell for my best friend. WHO IS GAY. Of course, I responded in such a way because we seemed to actually GET each other and he flirts with me all the time. Not his fault. Gay men DO THAT. It's my fucking stupidity for trying to read into something that just isn't there. I generally just live with it, but when I get drunk it comes out like a crazed fucking crackwhore hooker wanting her goddamn money. Very nearly lost him because of it.

Then I slept with someone recently whose name will NOT be mentioned because it was such a horrible, horrible decision. Drunkenness + confusion about aforementioned person + clobbering the nearest straight male = recipe for disaster.

I dunno. I don't know why I'm spilling all this to you seven lovely people. Maybe one of you can make sense of it for me. I sure as hell can't.

At least I gathered some things from this, though.

-I never go after people because I'm deathly afraid of rejection/I've had too many bad experiences in the past.

-I'm never interested in anyone unless they show interest first, because of the aforementioned reason.

-I get obsessed the second I discover someone's emotionally unstable and need my 'support'. Or if they call me a whore/stupid bitch.

-I only really want what I can't have. See reason 1.

In summation. I just want to be madly in love, but I'm realistic enough to admit that I need to do some serious overhauling in the ol' brain department.

I hate you, brain. But I'ma work on you. 'Cause you're all I've fucking got.

Fuck my life.

Work was better today, but eh.

I kinda want to do something tonight. And I get paaaiiiiiddd tomorrow. YAY. I have to get up early-ish to get my check, cash it, go do my stupid pee test in Everett, then get back to work by 2.

Guh. Hopefully all that vicodin from the other night doesn't show up, or I'll be fucked. 'Cause I sure as shit don't have a 'scrip.

Not that I really care.

Although it was pretty awesome today when Steve bought three pizzas from Villa. Nice. I scarfed down about four slices. Heh.

I learned today that I FUCKING HATE sizing the folded wovens. I HATE IT. I love sizing shoes, but those only come in whole and half sizes, generally 5 1/2 through 10 (at least at Guess). Folded wovens come in whole and half neck measurements and approximate arm measurements. So you've got 14 32/33, 14 34/35, 14 36/37, 141/232/33 and so on through 18. It is. SO. ANNOYING. Plus they're in plastic and they have a tendency to slide everywhere. AND the new kid they partnered me with had absolutely no concept of what sizing is. It was amazing. Heh.

So I think we're gonna be working on that all through tomorrow as well. Gonna get any shipment done? Hell no. At one point we had seven fucking people working on random shit on the floor, mainly moving stuff around and rebuilding walls. Ummm... couldn't I have been in the back busting new shit out? UH DUH. Meanwhile, they're fucking packing the floor out with old shit while all the new shit just sits in the back. And there's not gonna be any room for it by the time I get to do any shipment. Fuckers.

Goddamn. Enough bitching. I'ma go drink some booze.

Over it.

...so over Perry Ellis. SERIOUSLY.

The DM was in today and he talked to me like a child and had me waste precious fucking time on the most COUNTERPRODUCTIVE SHIT EVER. Here's what I did for two hours: I opened all the boxes of new product in the stockroom, closed them back up and sorted them into piles according to COLOR STORIES. WHAT THE FUCK.

Ya know, sir, if you'd just let us spend a measly $100 on a couple of new rolling racks, I could have had all that shit sensored and sorted according to color story so you could put it all out tomorrow morning, okay?

By the way, somehow we're expected to not exceed $100 a month in supplies for the store. HUMMMM.

Besides, there are only, what,threefucking color stories in the entire store. What the FUCK did I do all that for? He can't even put it out in the morning because none of it is even processed!

I hate people who (according to Rene, who I love dearly after tonight and am super sad to see her go in two weeks) work in UPPER corporate retail management who have never worked in a goddamn store in their life and just order people around without knowing what the fuck they're doing. HATEIT. He couldn't even build jetrails to procedure.

Yeah. Gonna leave. Plus the second I got in there, Kris was beyond frazzled 'cause Steve was there and she hadn't had her break yet.

THERE IS NOTHING TO BE STRESSED ABOUT IN THAT GODDAMN STORE. Me worrying about the stress levels of co-workers is actually stressingmeout. SO BAD.

Going into Guess tomorrow to see what's up. FUCK.

Anyhow. The rest of my shift was spent helping Rene with her assignment from Steve and closing the store. All of which took like an hour and a half. Then I did a couple boxes and rest of the time we pretty much stood around and made noises at each other. HEH.

Yep. Really don't care for the place. Check, please.

FUCK!

Okay, I believe the painkillers are making this whole thing worse. Took two last night. The first one made the pain go away almost completely. The second one did almost nothing and around 4am the pain was so bad I was actually in tears, so mom fed me another one. That one put me to sleep finally, but didn't do much for the pain.

I woke up and ALL my molars hurt. The fuck? Not nearly as bad as last night, but they all feel like... loose. UGH.

Work is gonna be unbearable today.

I wanna go back to sleep :/

BLEHHHH.

Know what I hate more than anything in the workplace? Indecision and inconsistency in management. I dealt with a lot worse with Shelby, but. I distinctly remember Kris asking me to audit everything in the store (make sure everything on the floor is sensored) last Friday. And that was all I was supposed to be doing today (and by the way, at least 1/4 of every jetrail I checked was unsensored. HOLY. SHIT.). She KNEW the shipment was gonna get crazy over Monday because I wasn't gonna be there to bust any out. But she still asked me to audit the sales floor. Sooooo that's what I did this morning when I got there. Then when she got there at noon it seemed as if she was expecting all these boxes to be gone.

Hmmmmm.

Strike two. Strike one was her being completely out of her mind fucking stressed out about EVERYTHING. Which I have to deal with every time she comes into the stockroom.

"*heavy sigh* this is a nightmare."

"Oh great. Like we needed more ofthose."

Etc, etc. Bitchbitchbitch. I really like her and all, but GODDAMN. She gets so stressed out about this shit that I get stressed because she's so stressed. It's fucking DUMB.

On that note. I went into Guess today and talked to Angel and Christina. Angel said I got approval from Jenelle. So she's waiting on word from home office. JOY.

I think if I do get back on at Guess, I'll just have Kris cut my hours back at PE. 'Cause I'm really gonna need the money. I have to get a tooth pulled within the month, and that's gonna cost anywhere from $300-$400. My head was fucking throbbing for the last half of the day and the second I got home I had to bum a vic from mom. That helped a great deal, but now it's wearing off and I'm gonna have to take another one. Fuck. This pain is getting unbearable.

Anyhow. Work 4-close tomorrow. Glee.

Then it's...
Thursday: 10-4
Friday: 2-close
Saturday: 3-close

So I'm down to do something Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Wooo. Then I have Sunday off and mom and I are gonna go have Chev do our hurrs. Yay. My roots are getting super gnarly.

Off to go proofread Mike's resume.

WOOOO!!!

INSPIRED. OFFICIALLY FUCKING INSPIRED.

I'm opening an Etsy shop within the month. I've come up with a gimmick that I think is REALLY gonna fucking work. Let's just say I'm gonna blow a chunk of my upcoming paycheck at Joann and random thrift stores and I'll be spending a lot of time fighting like hell with Gramma's sewing machine.

I'm gonna be independently wealthy. If I can keep it up this will probably fund my entire move to Lancaster. And some of my tuition. And a fancy sewing machine.

In other news. I feel like absolute balls. I've been napping off and on today and we all know that's bad news according to my body. Ugh. Stupid. I hate how I'm the only person in the world who's affected negatively by naps.

The agenda for tomorrow includes going into Everett to take my UA for work. Oh joy. How I love handing a cup of my pee to a total stranger.

Throwin' down at Denny's. Heh.

So last night the whole picking-up-what's-his-face-from-jail thing fell through, so I sat in the Arlington Safeway parking lot (TRAGIC) and talked to Don on the phone for a while. Called Mike around 11:30 and met up with him and Megan at the Denny's bar on Evergreen. Drama broke out almost instantly. HEH. I pretty much walked in, we started talking amongst ourselves and this thoroughly wasted, burly-ass middle-aged guy came up to Mike and asked if they could talk outside. Of course, this bewildered Megan and I, so we followed. Apparently, this guy is Melissa's (the bartender and a friend of Mike's) boyfriend's dad, and he thought Mike was ogling Melissa, so some guys were gonna kick his ass and he wanted us to leave. HEH! Eventually someone set him straight and we were 'permitted' to stay, but for the rest of our stay there, this guy kept barging in on our conversations to talk to Mike about Stanwood and football. What. The. Dick.

So. I ended up having to leave my car there and follow Megan's roomate to their new house in Mike's car, 'cause Megan wasn't good to drive, so Mike drove her car. Goddamn, I love driving Mike's car. That bitch is so smooth. Heh. Drank some vodka-crans and had some weird-ass conversation that went from AIDS to work to racial profiling to time travel and back to AIDS again. Dear god. It had literally been THREE FUCKING WEEKS since I'd been immersed in AIDS nonsense.

Mike drove me back to my car around 3am, and from there I went and grabbed some B'fish, went home and passed out watching Family Guy. Glee.

I need to do something today. Anything as simple as detailing the shit out of my car to just hanging out with someone. And anything in between.

Epic fail.

God, I feel like ass.

Caribou Lous and 'I Never' with John and Doom = BAD IDEA. First off, I made them waayyy too strong. And then I downed two of them in about 45 minutes. Put those on top of a stomach full of nothing but Doom's chocolate birthday cake = literal diarrhea of the mouth. GROSS. I never puked brown like that before in my life. And it smelled like pineapple juice. FUCKING SICK. I then passed out hugging the toilet and Doom had to come in, wake me up and lead me to the couch in the living room, where I proceded to puke pineapple/cakey goodness all over the blanket he put on me.

So I willed myself off the couch this morning around 11, where John's dad was watching some western movie really effing loud, took care of the blanket, pissed and left. Heh. Got home and passed out until like 6pm. Ugh. Saturday officially wasted.

I don't think I'ma drink again for a while. Last night was just dumb.

Anyhow. Apparently I'm supposed to go with Don later tonight to pick up someone from jail. I'm sworn to secrecy about who it is for some stupid reason, because the reason he's in jail in the first place is so GODDAMN RETARDED. If I end up going, I'm seriously gonna slap him in the face when he walks out. REALLY. And I'll feel no remorse at all. Heh.

Well. I gotta go fight with my hair and make myself presentable-ish to the general public.

God. I feel so fucking disgusting.Remember feeling this way, Bre. Fucking remember it.

FEESH.

OOOOOOOO!!! I forgot to add that Terry brought me home some fishies today! A shark, an angelfish and two albino catfish! GLEEE!!! FISHIES.

"I was sick of looking at your tank and seeing no movement."

Yayfeesh.

The loaches went MIA, though. I'm hoping they've just burrowed under the gravel :/ They do that sometimes. Only Muddy (the plecostomus) could have possibly eaten them, but they're way too fast for him to catch. Muddy's slow and huge and dumb. Hummmm...

Anyhow. Tracked down the boys. I'ma head over to Johnfayce's in a bit and we're gonna drink some Caribou Lous. Yussss.

MOO.

Work was good. Closing at PE is amazing. I had almost everything done (recovery, sizing everything, dusting and sweeping) around 8 and Kris kept telling me to slow down. HEH.

"SLOW DOWN! We're not gonna have anything left to do!"

"...lets just stand and talk for a minute."

HEH!

I don't work 'til Tuesday. Hmmmm. What to dooo?

And after a quick calculation of my hours the past three weeks, I've discovered that my paycheck on Friday is gonna be about $30 shorter than an average check at Guess.

Ummm... WHAT?!?! How does that work, please? I only had three full shifts! Ten days, three full 8 hour shifts, six 5 hour shifts and one 4 1/2. I'm weirded out.

Something nefarious was going down in payroll or time auditing or something. I know it.

Anyhow. I'ma try to track down John and Doom. Yup.

Mehhhh.

Funfunfun.

The night before last, Kyle, Doom and I went over to Kyle's house and got hammered. Woke up around noon Thursday, attempted to rid Kyle's computer of the barrage of viruses and went and ran a shitload of errands with Kyle. Picked up Kali, got Alfy's, went home, grabbed some shit then headed off to the island.

Heh. Terry and I are not back together, mind you. It was just time for a visit, I felt. His treatment is pretty much over (he just has to check in once a month), so now he has a shitload more money in his pocket and pretty soon he'll be able to move out on his own, which is awesome and is gonna be really good for him.

Today I'm working 5-9:30, then I have tomorrow off. Soooo I need to find something to do after work that doesn't involve a bar (unless someone wants to buy me drinks, heh) 'cause I have $45 to my name until I get paid, and that's going to gas and whatnot.

Which reminds me, I DESPERATELY need to get an oil change next Friday. DESPERATELY.

Anyhow. I'ma go take a nappy.

OBAMA FTW!!!

YAY OBAMA!

BUT FUCK (buttfuck?) THE RIGHT-WING, FASCIST PIECES OF GARBAGE IN CALIFORNIA AND ARIZONA WHO VOTED YES ON PROP 8 AND PROP 102. I HATE YOUR FACES.

Lets ban straight marriage, guys. Seriously. Heh. Who spends so much goddamn time awake at night thinking about gay sex that they actually have to get a goddamn amendment passed to ban their marriage? HONESTLY. Two straight people who can't stand each other and who will probably never really even KNOW each other (in most cases) have more of a right to get married than two gay people who ACTUALLY love each other (I have my theories on this, but those are for another blog entirely)? COME ON!

Really. In my not-so-humble opinion, the whole thing is a non-issue. We should be focusing on more important things than forbidding loving couples to be recognized by the government via a notarized piece of paper.

...anyway. Work was surprisingly good today. We're transfering out a bunch of sale shit, so Matt moved all the knits in the store to where the sale was and I literally packed out sweaters, polos and wovens to the front of the store for my whole shift. EVERY. SIZE. IS. OUT. The stockroom definitely looks nicer, I'll say that much.

Possibly gonna go talk to Angel at 6 today. We'll see.

TOMORROW OFF. I'M GOING CRAZY TONIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS.

...and tomorrow. And the next day. Heh! 'Cause I work 5-9:30 on Friday. I'll say one thing, the fact that the latest we'll ever get out of the store is at 9:30 (10 on a SUPER BUSY day) is SO AMAZING. 'Cause I can effing go out and party after I close now! HEH!

I think I'ma go re-pink my hurrs. This sort of coral/vomit color really isn't doin' it for me.

GUHHHHH.

Fuck. My. Life.

Today we managed to get like 36 boxes right when I walked in the store. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! It was like Guess all over again, 'cause each box was FUCKING HUGE and there is absolutely nowhere to put anything in our receiving area.

I almost quit. No shit. Almost quit right fucking then and there. Then I remembered I have bills. Heh.

And today was horrible 'cause when Kris and I took out the trash and had a smoke out back, she was gloating about how great I am and how scared she was that I was gonna leave 'cause Angel left and how ecstatic she was about me 'deciding to stay'.

FUCK. Then she proceeded to tell me that she's gonna schedule me only Mondays through Fridays. Which is FUCKING INCREDIBLE. But. The fact is, I'm still only making $8.25 (IF I decide to stay on permanently, I get $8.75), and only working part-time. Things will probably pick up from the middle of the month to early January, but then it's back to part-time.

And Matt still irks me. A lot. I have to work with him all day tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. Ryan's coming in, which is good, I like him a lot, but Matt. Ugh. And all I'm doing is moving shit around in the store and replenishing the shit out of everything.

I drove home today feeling completely empty. I hate it. The most I've been able to socialize at all lately has been when I stop into Guess to talk to Angel or whoever's working, and when Kyle comes over. HEH. Fuck my life. I am completely miserable right now. And the whole daylight savings thing REALLY doesn't help my mood any. Hellooooo, seasonal depression!

Work, home, eat, sleep. Work, home, eat, sleep. Nothing in between.

I need to find something to do tomorrow and Thursday (day off), or I'm gonna go completely insane.

Maybe I just really need to get laid.

And. I need to get new Family Guy dvds. I'm sick of watching all these same ones over and over.

Blahblahworkblah.

So I ended up having a crapload to do at work today. Good thing. But I have a dilemma.

Kris found out yesterday that Angel left. Now she's desperate for help at the store and handed me all my paperwork to become permanent. About a month early. HEH.

Went into Guess after work today to talk to Angel. She says a SHITLOAD of people who are classified as "non-rehireable" want to come back, and she wants a lot of them. 'Cause really, everyone who wants to come back who are actually worth something only left because of Shelby. So she's gonna talk to Jenelle (DM) tomorrow and see where we all stand. I'll go back even for $8.67 again because at least I'll be full-time there. If I stay on at Perry Ellis and make $8.75, I'm still only gonna be part-time, so I won't be making jack shit. Plus I'll have to deal with everyone always complaining about how hard they think they have it there while they stand around and do nothing. UGH. Which is really MORE annoying than actually having it hard. Heh.

ANNNDDD I would be transfering to the accessory store that's opening in March, so I really wouldn't have it too hard for very long.

Sooooo. I'm gonna put off the paperwork for as long as I possibly can until I get word back from Angel.

THEN! If I can get back on at Guess, I can just transfer to corporate, H&H, Camarillo or Citadel Outlets when I move to Lancaster next summer. AMAZINGFACE.

Bananas and bloodshed and Bam.

Last night I didn't get to sleep 'til around 1am. UGH. Stupid Tylenol PM didn't kick in. AND my toothache came back. Soooooo I put a hole in Kyle's head and we had a Viva La Bam marathon. It's been YEARS since I've whipped those dvds out. And I've realized that Bam really kinda is a jackass. Heh. Yeah, he's hot as fuck and all, but I'm no longer in love with Bam.

I'm in love with Brandon DiCamillo. Heh. We're gonna get married one day. Which reminds me, I have to remember to download Gnarkill's new album next time I'm at Gramma's. YUSSSS.

Oh, banana smoothie. I loves yooooo.

Preferred work-related post right after a word from our sponsor.

Fuckbeans.

Balls.

Not sure how much longer this job is gonna last. Angel's gone and that means all the fun is gone. Literally. It really effing sucks without her, and I've been getting this really gnarly vibe from one of my supervisors. I don't like him very much, and I get the distinct feeling he doesn't like me too much, either.

He doesn't know how to load a tape gun. Or where the tape for said tape gun is. OR where the leather cables are. AND HE WON'T EFFING SHOW ME HOW TO DO PRICECHECKS ON THE REGISTER. Any time I ask him about anything, he says he doesn't know or blows me off.

I hate stupid kids who get these supervisor jobs who don't know how to fucking do the simplest shit. I'm always the lowly associate who knows how to do EVERYTHING. ANGST.

Everyone's overall attitude there is pretty maddening, as well. Even the people I like. Heh. They're so stressed out about everything, yet they don't wanna take the time to fix it. I wish they could go work in the stockroom at Guess on a SLOW DAY. Hell, I wish they could go work on the floor. It would fucking END THEM!

Anyhow. ALL the shipment is gone. Ummm... if we don't get shipment tomorrow, what the fuck am I supposed to do? We could do transfers (which we need to do SO BADLY), but no one will wanna do that, and we don't have any empty boxes. I can't quite replen for five hours, and I ALREADY reorganized the ENTIRE STOCKROOM today because there were only five boxes left to do in the whole store and I got those done in like 30 minutes. So literally, there'll be nothing for me to do! I was struggling to find shit to do to take up my last two hours today. It was HELL.

Wellllp. Gonna go to work tomorrow (11-4... hopefully Kris is the opening manager), then go to the casino and see what they have to offer me. Or something. Maybe I'll go into Guess and see if I can get my job back, since Shelby's gone now and it'll be waaayyyy less stressful. Doubtful, but it's worth a try. At least I got paid more there.

"I was hoping for a unicorn, but it's probably just gonna be a stupid normal baby."

HEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Shenanigans.

So last night I got to Chelsey's around 10. Stupid traffic. Chelsey was Poison Ivy and Tyler was Link, of course. Had several shots of Don Julio. Walked in 8 inch platforms from Fir to... fuck. I don't remember, but it was far. Heh. Ended up getting a cab the rest of the way to either Pike or Pine. Such lazy-asses. Heh! Got stopped on the street by some chick who said Chelsey looked really hot (she so did).

"What are you?" -chick
"I'M A WHORE!!!" -me
"ME TOOOOO!!!!" -chick

Wound up taking pictures with these people. One of their friends was dressed in drag. Horribly. HEH. Went to a bar I don't remember the name of, had a jager bomb. Then went across the street to Cha Cha. Waited in line forever. When we finally got in we got a pitcher of something or other. Danced like idiots and lusted after a Marie Antoinette, who I believe Tyler wound up knowing from somewhere.

I don't remember if Kurrent was before or after these places. HEH. But we weren't there long 'cause that bar is pretty terrible. Although Chelsey and I wound up in the same stall together in the bathroom and I peer-pressured her into chugging some tequila out of my flask. It was classy.

I think we started walking back around last call. Apparently I was walking really slow or relentlessly texting people or something 'cause Tyler wound up giving me a piggyback ride again and Chelsey ran off ahead of us 'cause she had to pee really bad. Heh. So my ass was pretty much hanging out for the world to see and some guys were trying to get all up in my shit. We warded them off and headed back to the apartment, but then Tyler went back outside. After a while Chelsey and I realized that Tyler had been gone for a really long time, so we went out to look for him. We found him walking down 12th. APPARENTLY, he tracked those guys down and fucking fought them. O_o

WOOOOWWW.

Got back to the apartment, talked to Mike for a bit, then passed the fuck out.

Effin' craziness. And I can't believe I didn't fall or stumble ONCE in those boots!

FUCK MY LIFE!!!

EFF. So I drove to work to pick up my paycheck. It wasn't there. So I freaked out 'cause I'm very nearly on empty and I had plans for tonight.

I have to take out a loan from mom so I can get to and from work andsurvivefor the next TWO WEEKS. AGAIN. I FUCKING HATE BORROWING MONEY. HATEITHATEITHATEIT. It makes me feel like a worthless pile of dog shit.

Guh. At Gramma's, putting the finishing touches on my costume. I made my garters too long, so now I have to rip them off my boyshorts and cut like an inch and a half off them and sew them back on. ANNOYING.

Know what else sucks? The fact that it keeps raining off and on. I'm gonna die of hypothermia in this costume tonight.

"LOOK OUT FOR HYPOTHERMIA! LOOK OUT FOR DADDY'S BEATINGS! LOOK OUT FOR MOM! SHE'S WEARING THOSE SHOES THAT YOU HATE!!! YOUR LIFE IS GOING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND YOU REMEMBER THE WAY THAT ICE CREAM TASTED!!"

Who needs a smoke? And ten drinks? HEH. I DO.

BAGUETTE!!!

Work was weird today. The first half of the day went by really effing fast, but when it hit around 3-ish, it got sloooooowwww as fuck. And I got sleepy. Gross.

"Uh-oh. You're making your 'Guess' face."-Angel

I hatehatehate mid shifts. So much. They just effing drag.

Terry called as I was driving over here (Gramma's). Which was weird. So we're on speaking terms again. Heh. That's good, I guess. If I don't figure out what I'm doing tomorrow, I guess we'll go bar-hopping or something. I knowI'llget plenty of free drinks. HEH. 'Cause seriously. I'ma look like the biggest whore ever.

So tonight. Finish the tutu thing and garters. Figure out what I'm gonna do with my hair and makeup. Eat schpunkin schpie. MMMMMM!!!! *rubs belly in a circular motion* (Yeah, had to throw a bit of Terry in there. As much as I hate to admit it, I do miss his nonsense.) Go home, shower, sleep.

Tomorrow. Pick up tiny paycheck from work. Cash it (EWWWW. I can't wait until my direct deposit kicks in). Come back over here, eat foodz, figure out what I'm doing for the evening.

Wewt.

Glorious progress!

Oh god, you guys. The tutu thing is sooooo fucking fancy. We're just gonna add a stretchy waistband to it tomorrow, then it's done. EFF the corset I originally had planned. This thing is the main focal point. I could probably just wear a plain black tank or tube and I'd still look fancy as fuck. I'd post pictures, but they'd ruin everything. Heh.

You're just gonna have to wait. Yuussssss.

And I got creative and made garters. Have two more left to finish up and then I just have to tack them onto some boyshorts of glory. I'm about to hack up my fishnets. HEEEEEEEEE.

UGHHHHH. SO FANCY. I'M SO EXCITED.

*gurgling death noises*

I am SO goddamn tired. Kris and I managed to bust through 67 boxes today. Just the two of us. I could have finished all the boxes up today, but when she left at 4 she instructed me to replen as much as I could. So I did that for 2 1/2 hours. Replen at PE isn't aggravating, though. It's pretty easy 'cause there's only like 10 different products they have, if you really think about it. It's just the varying styles and colors and whatnot that make it seem difficult.

Oh god. And half of the day I was wearing my Phylicias. NEVER. AGAIN. I wanted desperately to wear a dress to work, but the only way I can do that until I get some fancy knee socks or something is to wear knee-high boots (because of my tattoo). Yeah. Bad fucking idea. I'm never wearing heels in that store again. Originally wanted to wear my furry boots, but they don't go all the way up over my tattoo. Lame. I need those fancy knee socks with the lace at the top that all the canasians used to wear.

I'm at Gramma's, but the thought of working on anything right now is making me nauseous. Gonna have to though. I atleastwanna finish the skirt. As long as that's done, I can at least use this bustier I bought forever ago at El Diamante that I forgot all about. HEH.

I don't think I can make the corset anyway, 'cause pieces of the pattern I wanna use are missing (from when I started to make one before and abandoned it. Heh.). Guh. And all the rest of my corset patterns are the wrong size. Fucking LAME.

Well. I need to get off my ass and actually do this shit so I can get home and to bed (couch, rather) at a decent hour. Tomorrow's my last day of work for the week! YAY!

Eff my life.

So tired. Had my first full 8 1/2 hour day since... god. Since they stopped doing full hours at Guess. Which I think was a little over a year ago. Crazy.

We totally busted through all the boxes that were piled up in one of the fitting rooms and then some. Something like 80-85 fucking boxes. INSANE. Still, backstock is an issue, but we're taking steps to remedy it.

I'm at Gramma's. I just stopped working on my fancy tutu 'cause I'm getting blisters and I'm really effing tired. But so far it's call gathered and whatnot. Just have to fashion a waistband. That can wait 'til tomorrow after work. Then I'll think about tackling the corset/bustier business.

So I dunno what I'm doing on Friday. If I go on as originally planned, I'm gonna drink like a fish and fuck up again. I really want to go, but I just don't know if I cannotdrink in a party atmosphere. I really don't think I can do it.

I have a problem, guys. I don't know what the fuck to do.

So. What am I even making this whole costume for? Fuck. Who knows. My feelings on the whole situation might change in the next few days. Maybe I'll be able to wrangle up some semblance of self-discipline.

I just don't want to fuck up anymore.

Balls?

So Chelsey and I had a fancy time today. Went into Guess, where everything was fucking turned upside-down. It's nuts in there. Had a chat with Angel, went and fought with the Shell station's car wash (funniest shit ever... I wish I was filming it), had a couple beers at Applebee's, found my leopard fur and tulle at Joann (only $14 total for a yard of the fur and five yards of the tulle!), then had some ice cream from McDonald's and blasted White Zombie in the parking lot at the outlet mall. Yusssss.

Yup. That was our day.

My schedule for the rest of the week has changed. 10am-6:30 tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday. WOOO. Bigger paycheck!

It might as well, it might as well hurt.

Today Chelsey and I are gonna wreak havoc on... Marysville. Heh. I haveta hunt down some short pile leopard fur and black tulle and fishnets. 'Cause I dug through my shit in storage yesterday and it seems that ALL MY FISHNETS ARE GONE. AND the stupid cheap-ass bustier that I was gonna take the garters off of. I WONDER WHO TOOK THOSE?!?!

More and more shit keeps coming up missing. It's really fucking frustrating. What do I have of yours? NOTHING. NOTHING!

Anyhow. Yeah. Then after that I'ma head back over to Gramma's to try and actually work on this shit.

You know what made my night last night? I was able to fill my gas tank from empty with $18 ($17.91, to be precise!). I was so fucking ecstatic. Pretty soon I'll be able to fill it with $15 again, like when I first started driving a little over a year ago. HEH! I've missed those days.

Blehhhh.

"Leave these poor sick monkeys alone, they got problems enough as they is!"

Sittin' at Gramma's. Ate my weight in soups and apple sauce cake. YUMMM.

Last night Kyle and I got hammered drunk. Heh. He, Doom and Joostaaa went and bought a half gallon of R&R and I was pretty much done for by the time we left for Marysville. Watched Kyle, Jordan and all their friends play kickball in the Kohl's parking lot, went and got Austin on Ebey Island, then went back to Kyle's and drank. I drank so much I nearly got sick. I haven't felt so close to puking in a very, very long time. I really shouldn't drink and sit. I think that's what was wrong. Usually when I drink that much I'm dancing or wreaking havoc. Heh. So I passed out pretty tough while Kyle dropped Austin back at his house. Forced myself up around 10:30, we went and got Kali and Kina and headed back to my house, where I passed out for another four hours.

Tomorrow I have to work. Weeee. There's a store meeting and then we're probably gonna bust out some shipment until 2. Then I feel I have to go to my storage unit and grab all my old patterns and fabric, then come back over here to start fashioning some sort of Halloween costume. I wanna make a corset, but I'm terrified I'm gonna get really frustrated with it, what with all the panels and re-enforcing and boning involved. Hummmm. I'll just attempt it. I need to go pick up a couple yards of leopard print something-or-other that matches my boots nicely, too.

The tulle skirt should be pretty straight-forward, however. Then once I get those all done, I'll just need to dig some fishnets out of storage and sew some garters onto some black boyshorts, which I'm in no short supply of. Gleee.

Guh! I wanna get all crafty n'shit. Heh.

Okay. Smokie-time.

Shitfuckballs.

So I've made my bed, and I have to lie in it. But for how fucking long? Seriously. I'm beating MYSELF up about the whole thing enough, do I really need this agonizing silence to make it even more glaringly obvious that I'm a total fuck-up?

I've been trying not to think about it, but fuck! I miss my fucking friend and I'd kill a thousand christians and make a christian pie just to get back in his good graces. Or to just be, ya know, acknowledged.

Goddamnit.

Today involved putting the finishing touches on my photoshop project and cleaning the bejesus out of the kitchen again. Then watching hours of Family Guy with Doom and John, then uh... straightening my hair. For a very long time. My life is just full of fucking wonderment.

And I'm breaking out horribly. It's effing sexual.

I need out of here. Gotta find something to do tomorrow.

Fucking ow.

I keep waking up every day with this excruciating fucking pain in one of my left top molars, half of which is missing from decay. The pain goes from the tooth all the way up to my left temple. It won't go away until I down two Excedrin. It's getting really fucking annoying and I wish I had $15,000 to get my fucking teeth ripped out.

What I would do for that kind of money in one lump sum. I will bawl my eyes out out of sheer joy when that day comes. If it ever comes.

Finished reading "Scar Tissue" today. I really, really fucking enjoyed it. After I read Dave Navarro's book a few years back, the whole 'recovery-memoir' thing left a really bad taste in my mouth, because in his book he suddenly jumps from rock-bottom to perfect fucking life with his supermodel girlfriend and had a whole preachy vibe about the whole thing. While Anthony is kinda self-absorbed all throughout the book, it never comes off as annoying and I really enjoyed the whole resolution, which wasn't all "I got help because I'm rich as fuck and you should follow in my footsteps." It was more "Only you can help yourself no matter what kind of treatment you wind up going through. You are solely responsible for your own recovery through your level of commitment. You can't half-ass it and expect results." Which is common sense, I suppose. But some people need to hear it. If Terry and I ever end up speaking again, I'm buying him a copy of this book.

I found it weird that I liked it so much, considering I'm very much attracted to reading about the exploits and crash-and-burn lifestyles of celebs with almost no resolution. That's why I've loved for so many years and keep re-reading Marilyn Manson's book over and over and over. I guess that says something about me and my own position in life, as well. Heh.

Wow. Write an effing novel, why don't I?

Anyhow. Most of today was spent sitting on my ass playing with photoshop, making something awesome. I'll probably be working on it until the early AM tomorrow.

General updates.

Went and filled out paperwork at PE today. I work tomorrow at 8am for like an hour and a half replenishing the living shit out of the store and busting out some shipment.

I can't put Anthony Kiedis' book down. It's been very difficult.

I'm being given the silent treatment by the one person who means the fucking world to me, and I'm in fucking shambles. I fucked up about a million times too many and I'm terrified this one may have been the last straw.

I'm sorry and I love you. I have no excuses, so that's about all I can say at this point.

Worky work.

So PE kicks ass. With one exception. The stockroom is about the size of Doom's bedroom. I'm not exaggerating. There's no separate office, it's just BAM! Right there in the stockroom. I did, however, share some fancy ideas with Angel regarding how we're gonna tame that beast. So hopefully those ideas get implemented soonish.

Honestly, the store isn't even that bad. Each box of shipment has anywhere from 2-12 items in it (contrast that with the average item count in each box at Guess, which was anywhere from 2-110 and we got anywhere from 20-200 boxes EVERY WEEKDAY). We only get shipment 3-4 times a week with an average of 100 boxes a week. The only bitch is fitting the stuff out on the floor or backstocking it, 'cause the store isn't very big and the stockroom is even tinier and terribly disorganized because they didn't have a regular stock associate. We're gonna wrastle it into submission one of these weekends, though.

So yeah. Worked five hours processing shipment and putting it out. Their sensors are tiny and cute, but it's gonna take me a while to get into the swing of sensoring as quickly as I did at Guess with their hurkin' sensors. So therefore Angel and I only got about 20 boxes done today. But I was also being trained at the exact same time, so next time will be much better and I'm shooting for like 40-50.

Anyhow. I have the rest of the week off. Then it's back to work on Sunday morning for a store meeting at 8, off Monday, then working Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday with Friday and Saturday off. GLEE.

And what's really badass? This morning I discovered that I can pin the pink chunk of my hair underneath the rest of my hair and it doesn't even show. So I guess I won't have to get rid of it! Taking out my monroe sucks, though.

Well. Back to my book for another couple of hours.

Frustration.

Well, I was really excited for this job I'm about to get at Perry Ellis until I learned about all the compromises I'm gonna have to make.

-I have to take out all my visible piercings. ALL OF THEM. I could probably leave 1-2 in each ear, but FUCK! And taking out my monroe and putting it back in over and over is SUCH a pain in my ass!

-I have to cover up my tattoos that show. So I have to either wear long-sleeved tops (and I have a grand total of one that would be appropriate to wear there) or buy some kind of wrist cuff. And I can never wear my hair up because of the tattoo behind my ear.

-I have to get rid of my pink chunk *cries* I can't even make it blonde. Maybe copper? I'ma have to ask tomorrow.

-I can't wear jeans. EVER. All I can wear are dress pants because I have tattoos on my legs. And the only way I could wear a mid-length skirt is if I wore black tights. I have a serious hatred for black tights (or any kind of tights that aren't fishnets, really). Hopefully I can pick up some long skirts somewhere.

-I'm only gonna make somewhere around $8.25 to start, then somewhere around $8.75 after thirty days. That's more than I made at Guess, but not much. And I really, really feel like I'm worth more than that.

-I'm gonna have to wear the same 2-3 outfits to work until I get paid. THEN I have to blow a huge chunk of my first paycheck on sweaters, dress pants, wovens and plain flats and/or oxfords of some sort.

It really sucks. I'm having second thoughts now, even though Angel's gonna be my boss. But I really can't back out now, 'cause I can't fucking afford to.

UGH.

Fuck it. I'm only gonna be working there for about 7-8 months until I can move to Cali. I suppose I can deal.

Mother of god.

Stupid Myspace won't let me upload any pictures. UGH.

Last night was fucking NUTS. Mike and I went over to Pepper's and he made me take all the shoes out of my trunk and line them all up in the living room. HEH. I should have taken a picture. It was ridiculous and overwhelming. So Pepper, Candy and I played dress-up while drinking what little booze was left in my trunk and in the house. Dane dropped by and we drank some of his booze, then Jimmy came over. We all decided that we looked way too hot to be stuck in the apartment. Sooooo we headed to Seattle. Met up with Aaron at Kurrent. Which is weird and small and full of too many goddamn asians. And Mike immediately got SPIT ON by some drunk bitch. So we went across the street to RPlace for a moment and had us some $2.50 Pabsts. Heh. I really, really enjoyed that bar and I'm probably gonna live there on the weekends after I have some cashflow again. Heh. Started walking... somewhere. Don't remember where we were headed, but we passed some guy on a bike and Mike flipped up my skirt and flashed my pink panties at him. Guy turns around and offers me $20 to take a picture of my clothed ass. No shit. I totally did it and it was effing hilarious. So we took our $20 to QFC and got a six-pack of Miller and a bottle of Yellowtail something-or-other. Walked to Seattle Central and got the grand idea to call up Chelsey and Tyler. Went to their place and got lost looking for their apartment 'cause I'm only ever there when I'm wasted/blacked out. So we all danced like idiots and played some drinking game.

*insert fuzziness*

I think it was like 6am when we got back to Pepper's. Heh. I woke up today with the worst goddamn hangover. I STILL have it. Good ol' mixing of liquor, beer and wine. Stupidstupidstupid. Faded in and out on the couch pretty much all day. Finally found the energy to get up and go home to shower and grab smokes around 5. And here I sit, not really wanting to move. Something was going on tonight, but I really feel like dogshit and I don't think I have enough gas to get back to Stanwood and home again. Balls.

OH! I SEE, MYSPACE! You wanna tell me there are errors uploading my photos and NOW they show up! ASSHOLE.

BLEHHHH.

I'm dying of foodz. Ugh. Kill me.

I'm excited for tomorrow. Going out into the world again. Heh. Got my interview at 11:30, then I'ma go cling to Mike for the rest of the day/night, most likely. There was talk of going to the Hotel for drinks with Terry and Christine, but I'm not sure I wanna see him right now. Heh.

Yeah, he broke up with me again. Over the phone. During my last day in LA. Awesome. Not that I'm really heartbroken or anything (I honestly haven't even been thinking about it-- it's kinda as if it never happened). It's just been pissing me off how fucking inconsistent he can be.

But who knows. I'd like Terry and I to be friends, but I'm not entirely sure either of us will be capable of that. Every time we try to hang out as 'just friends', he gets plastered, re-confesses his love for me (out of sheer loneliness, I'm sure) and we end up back together (partially my fault, I know). Then he bores of me a week later. It's getting tiring.

I think being single at this point would make my life more consistent. Heh. I'm sick of this on-again off-again shit. I know I myself can be an INCREDIBLY indecisive creature (I'm getting better lately, though), but I fucking DESPISE that quality in other people. I surround myself with confident, strong-willed, ambitious people for a reason.

I love him. But he needs to figure out what the fuck he wants in life and if there's any real reason for me to be in it. Really. And I wish him all the best.

But yeah. Tomorrow will be grood. Especially since I can listen to my effing Zune in my car again. YAY.

Really? Interesting.

Today was full of eventful glory. Went to check out a jobby at noonish. Harassed Mike and Emerald until they got off work. Wandered around the mall for a bit with Mike 'cause he was feeling abstract. Again. Heh! Met up with mom at Denny's to go to Northgate. Grabbed teh Chev, walked to the mall and discovered that they couldn't help us. Sooooo we walked back to the apartment, called customer service and we cancelled Chev's line, but then learned it would cost $500. PER LINE. To transfer them into my name. FUCK YOU, AT&T. So we're just gonna leave it in Chev's name and I'll take over paying it on the interbutt.

Fuckin' eh. 500 FUCKING dollars. Are they serious?!?! REALLY?!??!

So then we came home and I busted my car stereo's faceplate apart to diagnose the aux input issue. The wires from the main board to the jack had busted loose inside. UGH. So I whipped out Terry's soldering iron and welded those bitches back on. And it worked! I WAS SO ECSTATIC. Mind you, I'd never touched or even SEEN a soldering iron in my life. Heh.

PROUD. Now I can resume listening to my Zune in teh Dr. Tran-sir.

Anyhow. Mike and I went into Guess today. HEH. AFTER I FUCKING LEAVE, they freed up the right-hand side of the purse wall in the back for what? WHAT?!?! SHOES! FUCKING SHOES. BASTARDS. HOWWWWW long had I bitched about wanting half of the goddamn purse wall for shoes?!?! UGHHHHH.

Whatever. Over it.

Jobby interview on Friday. YAAAYYYYY.

And in other news. Karina got me these fucking SEXUAL platform leopard print ankle boots and I'm trying to build a halloween costume around them. All I can really come up with so far is "Whore". HEH. Just need me some thigh-high fishnets and one of those nifty pairs of boyshorts with garters attached.

Fuckingfuckfuck.

I'm torturing myself looking for jobs in LA on craigslist. Again. UGH.

There's seriously so much more to offer there. It fucking sucks.

So here's what's gonna happen. I'm getting a job this week. I'm putting $150-$250 a month into a savings account until somewhere around next summer. Then I'm fucking gone, you guys. For atleasteight months, 'cause I want to go to school down there in Burbank.

Yep. That's what's goin' down.

FUCK THIS HOUSE!

I'm venturing out into the world on Wednesday! HEH. Gotta go see about a jobby and pounce on Mike's face. Then I have to meet up with mom after she gets off work and go deal with some phone business in Northgate with teh Chev around 5.

Yay. I'm already sick of being stuck in this house. It figures that I'm going stir crazy in my house, but didn't being stuck in a sub-compact car with the same two people for nearly five days. Heh.

In other news. I'm feeling insanely dehydrated. It's fucking pissing me off. HOW many glasses of apple and orange juice have I had today? COME ON!

Idunfeeeeeelgood.

OH. MY. GOD.

Sooooo the drive down was fairly uneventful. We left at 2pm on Wednesday and I drove from the house to Albany, Oregon (I DIDN'T PUMP MY OWN GAS. IT FREAKED ME OUT), John drove from Albany to somewhere around Mt. Shasta City, CA, then I took over from there to just after Sacramento. John drove from there to Coalinga, then I drove the rest of the way to LA. We got there at like 1pm on Thursday. LA really freaked me out at first. I was in complete and utter shock at how so much shit is packed into that city. Plus, we came in through the ghetto, so I was a little freaked out about that. Heh! Went and got Karina, followed her all over La Brea and Hollywood trying to find a hotel that wouldn't try to rape us for over $70 a night. It didn't happen. We ended up deciding on the Blue Star Inn on La Brea. It was $75 a night. Ugh. It was decent. Not extraordinary, but clean enough. Although, we did turn on the tv and there was porn blasting in our faces. HEH! Luckily there were some regular channels, too.

So basically all of Thursday afternoon was spent on our asses in the motel. We did, however, go check out Hollywood later that night. Went to H&H and couldn't buy a goddamn thing. It was torture. Got harassed by a Jack Sparrow impersonator. Took some pictures of the Scientology sign and Marilyn's hand/foot prints at the Chinese Theater. Her hand prints were absolutely FILTHY 'cause so many effing people put their hands into them over the years. Went back to the room and passed out while everyone else went to Karina's friend's 'ninja party', where I guess no one was even dressed as a ninja. Heh.

Woke up around 10 the next morning to a cold In-N-Out burger sitting on the table. Awwwww. Went and paid dude for another night, then wandered down La Brea and got foodz. We got smashed when we went back to the room. Well, I did. I got all drunk and happy and ended up passing the fuck out. Woke up with money on my head. Still drunk. Heh. So we parked at H&H, took Karina to work at Hot Pocket and started the walk to the Keyclub. Which was WAAAYYYYY farther than we thought it would be. Like, FUCKING FAR. H&H was on one of the 6000 blocks on Hollywood Blvd. Keyclub was like, 90-something thousand on Sunset. It was amazing though. We walked by about a million liquor stores that DELIVERED and the Whiskey. Heeee. So we finally get there, pick up the tickets we will-called, got inside and we each had a six-dollar beer. FUCK. I had a PABST and it was SIX FUCKING DOLLARS. The opening bands were pretty decent, but I was experiencing too many nerves to enjoy them properly. Went downstairs and finally met Six and Sic at the merchy booth. Bought a sticker for Dr. Tran-sir, 'cause I literally only had like $7 and the shirts were effing $30. When HWP finally took the stage I went absolutely fucking ballistic. My neck still hurts.

So. They played (in this order? I can't remember...):

Graverobbers From Mars
Disease
Exit Wound
Drugstore
Shine
Electra
Powerstrip
ONE NIGHT IN SPAIN (I literally started to cry)
Dog
AND THEY COVERED "I FEEL YOU" by DEPECHE FUCKING MODE. OH. MY. GOD.

Best. Show. EVAARRRR. Brandon took off running to H&H to pick up Karina before Snot started. HEH. And they were really, really amazing. The new singer sounds exactly like Lynn. They got back with my car before Snot's set ended. And since Karina's not 21 yet and she didn't have a ticket, we couldn't stay for the after party. I was starting to feel gnarly anyway, so we just went back to the room. I passed out almost immediately.

Woke up around 10am, started loading all our shit back into our vehicles, then went to IHOP in Inglewood for the most ridiculously tiny pancakes EVER, then went to Karina's to hang out and drink coffee and check our myspaces until 2. Our departure was pretty emotional. Heh. Karina didn't want us to leave, and *I* REALLY didn't want to leave. I wanted to just effing stay and look for a job. Really.

Traffic on 110 was insane. But when we hit Northbound I-5 it lightened up a bit. The drive home went by so fucking fast. I drove from LA to some place I didn't catch the name of (I'd imagine it was somewhere around the Coalinga area), John drove from there to Zamora, I drove from there to Yreka, John from there to Albany, then I drove from there until somewhere around Chehalis. Where I got pulled over for the first time ever. UGH. The cop apparently clocked me at 81 in a 70. Which is fucking BULLSHIT. But, I'm going to pay it 'cause he could have cited me for no insurance but didn't. THANK GOD. John got a ticket for sleeping in the backseat without a seatbelt. Whatever. He's gonna contest it. HEH. So after that I found a rest area and John took over until we got to Justin's in Marysville. No one was home. GUH. Drove back home and passed the fuck out.

Weeeeeeee. Time to resize a million pictures. However. Here is the most memorable quote from the trip:

"There's really hot girls in Oregon. But there's really hot girls everywhere. So FUCK OREGON." -John, said somewhere in Portland

Also, our road trip names were derived from overpasses in Portland. HEH. We drove under Killingsworth St or some shit and I said that would be my new Myspace name. HEH. Madame Killingsworth. So John said he and Brandon would take the next overpasses. Brandon wound up being "Mr. Going" and John was "Sir Skidmore". Amazingpants.

GUH. So doing this again next year. But next time I might not come back.