SASQUATCH!!!!1one

Eff any other plans I had for my tax return money. I AT LEAST have to go to Sasquatch on May 24th. I HAVE TO SEE NINE INCH NAILS. My future existence depends on it. Jane's Addiction would be an added bonus/boner, as well.

So. If I buy me and Terry's tickets for three days and pay for camping, it'll be $494 plus Ticketbastard rape charges. If we just go for Sunday, it'll be $228 plus rape charges.

But effing Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Kings of Leon are on Saturday and effing Santigold and WHITEST KIDS are on Monday. FUCK.

I wish I had the money right now so I could get three day passes for $154 each. DAMNIT.

Oh well. At least I'll get to see NIN before I die. And I haven't been to The Gorge since Warped Tour 2002.

WHO ELSE IS GOING?!?!

Read more:http://www.myspace.com/bythethroat/blog?page=6#ixzz0zY6qP9hc

Sick of fucking everything *insert angst*

I'm sick of not working and having to fucking finagle money out of my mother every week.

Sick of bone splinters in my gums.

Sick of mom's house. It fucking STINKS every time I come over and it's always fucking filthy as fuck.

Sick of always feeling like I need to be somewhere else. And wasted.

Sick of having to pick and choose where the fuck I want to go/what I want to do every night because someone might say something derogatory about my lack of teeth.

SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANYWHERE TO GO WITH MY BOYFRIEND. WE CAN'T EVEN GET A MOMENT ALONE OR HAVE SEX ANYMORE.

Sick of not being able to eat whatever I want.

SICK OF GAINING SO MUCH WEIGHT BECAUSE OF ALL THE ENSURE I HAVE TO DRINK!!! I've gone up a whole fucking pant size in just under three weeks!

SICK AND TIRED OF MY GAS TANK ALWAYS BEING ON EMPTY!

I knew all this was coming. I understand that everything's gonna be 100x better after I get my teeth, but this whole transition period is fucking killing me! I can't just hide for two months. I CAN'T. I NEED to socialize or I feel like I might literally go insane. But this is made way fucking harder since my tax return isn't coming for another month and some of my friends/boyfriend have INCREDIBLY judgmental and closed-minded friends. And that's not something I'm 'just paranoid' about. One of Terry's friends is super nice to my face and then turns around and asks Terry what the fuck he's doing with me because of how my 'teeth' used to look. Why Terry shares this shit with me, I have no idea. I guess it's best that he's honest. And at least he defends me. But in my experience, people don't understand what the hell a degenerative disease is. They all chalk it up to me 'being a crackhead'. I'm NOT a crackhead! I've never touched the shit in my life! This is NOT MY FAULT!!!

I don't want to be here. This house fucking reeks of garbage. But it's too late for me to go 'home' to my Gramma's because the second I walk onto her porch, the dogs will go ballistic and wake Grampa up. AND! I got a nice surprise when I walked in the house just now. Fucking (mom's) Terry is passed out drunk on my couch. I have to fucking go to sleep in my brother's room now.

Come April when I've got my teeth and everything's all good, I'm fucking out of here and I'm taking Terry with me. I don't care if I have to become a fucking stripper in Lake City. I'm DONE.

Boredom. Angst.

I need to download a game that will take over my life. I'm sick of downloading tv shows and I'm pretty sure I have everything I was gonna be tempted to buy within the next two months anyway. Someone suggest a lifeforce-sucking game, please.

...and DON'T say WoW. NO.

Also. I've figured out my half/quarter sleeve. It's gonna go up onto my shoulder. Those are the only details I'm providing. It's gonna be so fucking pretty.

I think I'm officially done with stars. They don't have any effing meaning anymore. They're just shit people get stamped on their fucking bodies when they can't think of anything more original. I really kinda wish I didn't get those stars on my stomach. It started out as a project and I completely lost interest in it once a certain someone decided to follow suit and get almost the same fucking thing and then proceed to make a contest (that I wasn't even participating in) out of who could get more than 100 stars on their body within one month.

Same with the mudflap girl. UGH. SO ANNOYING.

I'm really anxious to start on my new idea like now. But like an idiot, I didn't e-file my return, so I probably won't get it for another fucking month. The tattoo itch has been getting worse and worse as the weeks go by. It's been over two years since my last tattoo. And that one's about to get covered/modified as well. Heh.

Ummm. Yeah. New game. Tattoos. Balls.

I'ma go make a milkshake, I feel.

...amazing.

This morning I am woken to this:

Grampa: "Bre! Wake up! We're gonna go to Seattle tonight and see the First Annual Cricket Fight! Come on!"

...wtf? I've been trying to look it up, but I can't find anything. Heh. Classic Grampa and his shenanigans.

BALLS.

So. I effed up.

I cannot seem to drive without smoking. I did a great deal of driving yesterday. So I'm smoking again :/ It would have been 11 days today. Oh well. I'll have other chances to quit, I suppose.

Went to Sally's yesterday afternoon to pick up some nail stripers, and to my amazement, they now carry China Glaze. I overcame my urge to buy like 5 different colors and just bought a hot pink one. Along with black and white stripers. Then I went to go visit with anyone who happened to be at the commune. Turned out to just be Kyle, Avery, LoveJu and LoveBen. Hung out for a minute then took Kyle to my house 'cause he was all irritable and didn't want to be in Marysville anymore. Picked up Doom wandering down Burn Road, went to the house to grab some shit, dumped Kyle off and took Doom to John's. Went back to Granite, played with my nails, got a hold of Terry and went out to the island to hang out with him and Laura. Drank until he passed out and went to hang out with Mike and Rachel in Smokey Point around 2am. We spent 3 1/2 hours catching each other up on the internet, drinking YooHoo and watching RuPaul's Drag Race On Demand. Heh! Went home, passed out, took Kyle into Marysville at 2 and then headed back to Granite.

Haven't done much since then except burn a shitload more dvds. I got a wild crafty hair up my ass though and made a pouch for my Zune out of leopard fur. It's fancy. Just a prototype though. Gonna make more when I can find some fleece to line them with in Gramma's sewing room. Then I'm gonna get some other short pile animal print fur at JoAnn and start selling them on Etsy. They're gonna be super fancy.

I really wanted to do something tonight but I'm broke as fuck. My gas tank is on empty and I have literally $8 to last me until I get my tax return. I really REALLY wanted to go to Dave's birthday party on the island, but there's gonna be too many people I don't know there and chances are one of them is gonna get wasted and say something nasty about my mouth. I'll just hang out with my close friends for now 'cause they won't judge me.

Anyhow. Off to go be crafty n'shit.

"Now turn yourself into the police...

...'cause you're a child prostitute and you should be ashamed of yourself!!!"

You know you've made it when you get blocked on Gheyspace by a wannabe naked internet 'pinup':

(I'm dying of laughter by the way...)



Is it lonely up there on your pedestal? 'Cause the only reason I've ever tried to contact you was to get back all the shit you stole from me. Which I STILL would like back. Hmmm.

You are a fucking coward.

PFFFTTTTTT!!!

Today is glorious and I'm feeling rather fancy, so I'm going out into the world. Gotta start calling people in a minute to figure out who wants to hang out, 'cause all I really planned to do was go to Sally to get some of those nail stripers. I've taken to manicuring myself again and I wanna step up to the super-fancy level. Heh.

I've downloaded and burned so many goddamn tv shows and movies it's SICKENING. So far I've got seasons 10-12 of South Park, seasons 2-4 of ATHF, season 1 of Metalocalypse, half of season 2 of Flight of the Conchords and REPO! The Genetic Opera. All of which I have yet to watch 'cause I've been too preoccupied with the downloading and burning. Heh.

And my Zune only has 1.02GB left. Fuck my life. New 120GB Zune or new phone with tax return money? I'm in a pickle.

Oh. And I'm totally stoked for Miss March. I'm actually gonna have to go see that when it comes out. Whitest Kids ftw.

Bucket list (work in progress)

1. Strengthen singing voice and overcome fear of singing in front of people.

2. Strengthen my entire body so I can...

3. Become a poledancer and burlesque performer (REAL and CLASSY, not Urban Bombshells I'm-naked-for-no-reason-and-have-no-talent bullshit) for fun, not profit.

4. Adopt a bull terrier.

5. Live in LA for one year.

To be continued as I think of more things...

"You kinda taste like a grouse, baybeh."

Figures. My weekend was full of awesome and then turned to complete and utter shit within a few seconds last night. I don't care to elaborate.

Today was better. Had a really foul mood going on the first couple hours of work and was looking for a reason to punch someone in the face, but Mike cheered me up a bit. The store was busy as hell. It was ridiculous. Replenished shoes and flip-flops, cleaned up the stockroom and then Chelsey busted her head open on the door to the garbage compactor. It sucked. Blood was dripping from her head but she ended up okay. Shelby wrapped an ace bandage around her head. It was awesome. I wish I had my camera...

Off at 4, went to Schuck's to buy brake pads (FORTY FUCKING DOLLARS!), stopped by the library for a 1040EZ but remembered too late that it was closed for President's Day (turns out mom had already picked some up anyway), went home. Yay.

I need to do laundry. Then I think I should try to call Terry. Yep.

Stroke of genius for the day...

"The dolphins use low level radiation and revolving RF frequencies to track our brain waves... if you hear Deep Blue Something run 'cause they found you! Good luck!"

MIKE YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING.

Delicious chick pop.

I've been on a female singer/songwriter downloading spree since last night. I'ma type up who I've got so far and if anyone wants to suggest anything else for me to give a listen, leave me a comment plllzzzz.

Duffy 'Rockferry'
Frou Frou 'Details'
Gabriella Cilmi 'Lessons To Be Learned'
Imogen Heap 'Speak For Yourself'
Lily Allen 'It's Not Me, It's You'
Meiko 's/t'
Neko Case (pretty much every goddamn album she has. I'm in LOVE.)
Santogold 's/t'

Yeah. After a few more days of this, my Zune will be FULL. Sadface!

Also. Yes, I'm about to download the new-ish Portishead. Oooo. I can't wait!

Normandie?!?

Wait a tic...

Normandie? Same members as theSTART?

Can someone explain this to me please? I feel so effing out of the loop!

HARRRPPP MEHHH!!

In any case, it's lovely musics. Of course.

What the pants?

Well, I started nicotine patches today 'cause I wanted to smoke so badly that I was in tears. And EXTREMELY irritable. When I get snippy with my own mother, you KNOW something is extremely wrong. All was good until I took my pain pill and antibiotic at 9:30-ish. By the time Delocated came on I was feeling 10x more loopy than usual, and when I was halfway through Aqua Teen I had to roll up into a ball on the couch and pretend there was no outside world. I was pretty much panicking with the spins and hot flashes and the whole nine yards until Tim and Eric was over. Which means I was freaking out for like an hour and 15 minutes.

...funny how I look at today's timeline of events as segments on Adult Swim.

Wee. So after that fiasco I immediately ripped off my nicotine patch and started downing Ensures. Not so sure why. Probably 'cause I figured I needed to 'eat' something to feel better.

Then when I took my next painkiller at 3am, I felt nothing. These things are effing WEIRD. Half the time I feel nothing, the other half I get really loopy and can barely walk. But in a good, warm and fuzzy, non-panicky way.

I dunno. I'm gonna download some Metalocalypse and possibly try to go to sleep.

FUCK.

Shit's starting to get to me.

I keep waking up about 30 minutes after I'm supposed to take my pain pills, so therefore the one before has worn off and my lower jaw is in incredible pain. It doesn't go away until about 45 minutes after I finally take the pill. And this morning my throat was sore and swollen like a motherbitch.

I miss Terry. Horribly. I don't even want to call him because my enunciation is shit and it's embarrassing. In fact, I haven't called anybody. I just want to effing see him, but I can't drive anywhere on my meds 'cause I'm too loopy and I hurt too much when I'm off them. GUH!

Kinda weird how I'd rather see people in person than talk on the phone, though. I guess it's just 'cause it sounds a lot worse than it actually looks.

One of my stitches came out. It's not a big deal, the wound is still closed, but it's annoying to run my tongue over this tiny thread at all times.

I WANT A FUCKING CIGARETTE SO GODDAMN BAD. JESUS FUCK. I know if I can stick it out 'til 9 (when I can take another pill), I'll be fine. But right now I've got so much shit on my mind, it's fucking killing me.

Also. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF SEEING NAKED SARAH ALL OVER THE GODDAMN INTERNET!!! IT'S LITERALLY MAKING ME FUCKING SICK!!! YOUR BODY LOOKS LIKE IT BELONGS TO AN 8-YEAR OLD BOY AND YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING HAMPSTER!!! Does Daddy love you now that you're naked all over the place for no reason? Does he love you?!?! IS HE FUCKING PROUD?!?!

Makes me want to scrape all the fucking tattoos she copied from me off my body with a cheesegrater and move to another fucking state. Seriously.

...over it. I'll fucking show her up this spring. Stupid piece of sluttrash.

Anyhow. I'm gonna go... scream. Or something.

Best. Vacation. EVARRRRR!!!

I. Fucking. Love this.

Taking my stupid pills every six hours and sleeping off and on all day, downloading all the new albums and new episodes of FotC and South Park I want, and most importantly, passing out to Adult Swim every single night. I NEVER get to watch Adult Swim unless I'm at John and Dave's. And usually when I sleep there, I'm really passed out drunk and had no interest in watching television before the passing out occured.

Plus all I really ingest is warm chai and yogurt and Ensure. And every once in a while super soft scrambled eggs or mashed potatoes.

Mmmmm. Yesss. And I haven't had a smoke in forever and I don't care.

Today Grampa drove me to Dave's so I could pick up the laundry I forgot over there and my Zune cable. Can't live without that. Showed everybody my gnarly gums. Heh. Got some mixed reactions. Pretty funny. Doom's all like, "...ow."

Well. I'ma go eat something.

Oh, glory.

So I was seriously terrified that I was gonna look absolutely hideous without teeth. I thought this was gonna be a scarring experience.

Not so much! Heh! I might actually decide to go out into the world a little bit once all the holes in my gums heal up a bit. Probably after I get my stitches out. Which will be in like 9 days.

And seriously, no longer running my tongue over a bunch of sharp, broken teeth feels SO nice.

I haven't had a cigarette since 6:30pm Tuesday. The oxycodone helps a little bit. The initial urge to walk to the front door and pop a smoke in my mouth has finally subsided. I was going effing CRAZY Tuesday night.

Well. I'm gonna go hunt me down some liquid food and weeeee.

Bye bye, teefs!

I officially haven't had a smoke since 6:30 last night. I am going to go insane. I think I only slept from 6:30 - 9:30 and then 4am- 6:30. Gross.

I WANT A CIGARETTE.

...that is, until I have to take my stupid pills at 7:30. After those kick in, I really won't give a shit anymore. Heh.

Meh. I'm hoping the fear of 31 possible counts of dry socket is enough to keep me away from smoking. I'm REALLY hoping to quit, actually.

Twenty minutes. Ugh, I'm really afraid of what these pills are gonna do to me.

Wish me luck, you guys. I'm really actually starting to get scared.

Now you fucked up!

I think I have alcohol poisoning. 'Cause no hangover has ever lasted this long or felt this terrible. And I never puke when I'm hungover. I puked like a motherfucker today to the point where I was dry-heaving for a while.

I'm afraid to eat because it feels like my body is just going to heave it back up at me.

None of this makes sense, though. I only had a ginger ale/rum drink, a Four Loko, one and a half Cheladas and then a rum and Dr. Pepper. I guess I chugged that last one, though. And I don't know how much rum was in it. Heh. Then everything turned black.

The REALLY fun thing about all this? I have to go to the Tulalip Casino and cash my check that came in the mail today 'cause my bank is closed and Walmart won't cash my checks for some odd reason. Just the drive from John and Dave's to my house was making me pretty urpy. Soooo that's gonna suck. Then I have to drive to my bank and deposit enough money in the ATM to cover my negative balance.

FUN. BUT! Some other good news is that my check was $268!!! I was pretty sure it was only gonna be like $150. And I did my tax return last night, so I have to mail that out on Monday. $756 back. Nice.

Bleh. I'm gonna go lay down for a minute.

GLEE.

Consultation went well. Going to have my teeth ripped out at 8:30am Wednesday.

ALL OF THEM. AT ONCE.

I can't believe it. The guy barely even fought with me about it.

And all for how much?

$4,500. That's including today's visit and x-rays.

FUCKING. AMAZING.

I was all about going out and seeing everyone I need to see this weekend, BUT... Grampa and I went into Perry Ellis today and I didn't have a check. Which means home office fucking mailed it to my house. If it's not there when I get home, I literally can't go anywhere. This is very, very upsetting.

Anyhow. Off to call peoples.

*GLEEEEE!!!!*

AHHHHH!!! GRAMMA FOUND A PLACE AND THEY QUOTED HER $2,000!!!! I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A CONSULTATION TOMORROWWWWW!!!!

Fucking. Amazing. TWO GRAND?!?!

This probably means that I need to see everybody that I need to see this weekend or you won't see me for about 2-3 months. Yep. Going into hiding. Heh.

I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED.

Cocaine is vitamins for hotel soap!

All my plans for the week got royally fucked within one night of drinking. I kept buying Sparks over and over until I was finally bored of trying to get drunk ('cause for some strange reason, I just couldn't that night) and went home.

So I'm thinking I have about $7 to last me until Friday. Not that that's really gonna help, my last paycheck is projected to have about $150 on it.

FUCK.

Anyway. Yesterday was mom's birthday. Went over to Gramma and Grampa's, ate a shitload of meatloaf, downloaded a bunch of shit onto my Zune and tried to burn the episodes from season 11 of South Park onto a dvd. Apparently it didn't work. UGH. WANT SOUTH PARK.

Tomorrow I guess I'm going back over there to call a bunch of oral surgeons with Gramma and figure out what the damage is gonna be. Weee.

YUP. OVERDRAFTED. FUUUCCKKK!!!!

*screams*

Today is a day for VAPOR TRAILS!!!

UGHHHH AMAZING.

Went and hung out with Ashley and her man in Oso tonight. I've missed her doses of insanity. REALLY. And godDAMN, I don't remember her dad's house being so effing far away! FUCK. That was a fucking haul and a HALF.

And the craziest shit? We caught up on what everyone we went to school with is doing and it turns out I'm not nearly as tragic as all them, 'cause apparently everyone else is either dead or on heroin. BRE AND ASHY FTW.

I thought Arlingtonians were just supposed to be drunks and stoners. Apparently not. WIN.

Same thing tomorrow, probably. Except it's looking like we're gonna paint the town red.

...clockin' the jizz. Sowin' the oats. Skip to my lou. Do-si-do.

Yep. Still kinda drunk.

My last day of work today was quite productive. Rearranged, sorted and sized all the backstock pants, dress shirts, soft pins, denim, polos and sweaters. Ended up staying 'til 9:20 to accomplish this, so I'll have a little more cash than expected come this Friday. I are teh badass. But then I got this mystery wound on my finger and bled all over two sweaters and had to damage them out. HEH. So nuts. I guess I went out with a bang. As always.

Well. Before it gets too late, I'ma go jump into my comfy pants and watch some Family Guy or something. And pass out.